“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed” (1 Pet. 4:12).

A God Who Deals with Individuals

Melanie Alexander was born and raised in South Africa to a Dutch Jewish father and a Scottish Canadian mother. She was the youngest of three siblings.

Her father had previously taken Melanie to a church at her request, but it wasn’t until a high school friend became a Christian and invited Melanie to her church that she heard the gospel. She learned that God deals with, and saves, individuals. She heard John 3:3 and found out that one must be born again to enter the kingdom of God. “That floored me,” Melanie said.

When she was 17, Melanie gave her life to Christ. That was in 1983. The next year, Melanie went to Canada to attend a college in Nova Scotia. There she met her future husband, Greg, a friend of her brother. Although he did not become a believer until 1985, they soon became good friends. They never “dated,” although one summer Greg told some friends in British Columbia that he would bring a wife the next time he came back, and that her name was Melanie; she just didn’t know it yet.

They were engaged in September 1987 and married the next April, just before Greg was to report for duty with the Navy on the West Coast. They moved 10 times in 21 years, and Melanie loved the adventure: “We saw our life as a book with different chapters—I loved the moving, loved making new friends, finding a new grocery store, and being part of so many churches.”

As relatively new Christians, they had to learn a new way of living. They read authors such as Matthew Henry and Jonathan Edwards, but they couldn’t understand why they agreed with the theology of dead people more than with the churches they attended. It was many years (and four children later) before they even learned about the existence of Reformed churches. In fact, while Greg studied to get his master’s degree in London, they were so discouraged at their church’s poor theology and practice that he starting thinking about going to seminary.

Coming Home

When they returned home to Ottawa, Greg started calling churches, trying to find one with solid biblical theology. In this way, they found Ottawa, Ont., RPC in 1995. “We felt so much pressure released,” Melanie said. “It was really like coming home.” While in Ottawa, Greg did attend Ottawa Theological Hall, where he completed an MDiv degree. Their family was moved to Nova Scotia with the Navy again for three years; then Greg took an exchange position in Bristol, UK, for three years. When returning to Canada in 2007, they joined Russell, Ont., RPC, where Greg eventually became an elder.

We all remember 2020 as the year of Covid, but for the Alexanders it was the year of Covid and cancer.

Greg had been feeling quite unwell by the time he was diagnosed with Mantle cell lymphoma in April 2020. In May, Greg started strong chemo; in September, he had a stem-cell transplant; and in November, he was in remission, regaining much of his strength in the following months.

At the end of October 2021, Greg, Melanie, and their nephew Jacob (who had come to live with them in 2018), took a trip to visit their daughters at Geneva College. While there, Jacob and Melanie tested positive for Covid-19. Greg had tested negative, so he went back home. But before Melanie returned home, Greg got sick. Melanie rushed back and found him lying unconscious on his bed, big winter parka and sneakers on.

They tried to care for him at home, with the help of tele-medicine doctors. But after five days, Greg’s oxygen was just too low and Melanie had to call 911. His immune system was destroyed from the chemotherapy.

This started a six-month nightmare. While in the hospital, Greg received sub-standard care—from neglect of basic hygiene to ignoring calls for help. But even worse, he was quarantined for over two months and kept in isolation from all friends and family. Because she was not allowed to visit him, Melanie facetimed with Greg multiple times a day.

In February, Greg was able to come home. Shortly after, he had to go back when his oxygen levels were again low. While at the hospital, he was taken out of a private room in the middle of the night and was placed in a room with a sick woman. Within 24 hours, he had contracted her sickness and had to be brought to the ICU. Again, Melanie was not allowed to be with him. A week later, on Apr. 28, 2022, Greg passed into glory. He was 56.

The Fiery Trial

All through Greg’s cancer diagnosis and treatment, Melanie said that they had felt calm and peaceful, fully trusting the Lord. They prayed through it, and Greg faced it with courage. But his sickness caused by Covid was emotionally and spiritually much harder.

“I know that the Scriptures tell us not to be surprised at suffering, and that the Lord chastens those whom He loves,” Melanie said, “but I was shocked. Greg’s suffering and death was pure agony. I knew it was from the Lord, but that in some ways made it harder—that God was willing to let me feel this pain, and willing to put Greg through such suffering. It feels like I was given a stone when I asked for a fish.

“I know that God doesn’t need any of us. But He still uses us. And I couldn’t imagine that God would take Greg away. I really believed that God was going to preserve his life.” The shock wasn’t just because of the type of person Greg was—and Melanie shared that he was a hardworking man, measured with wisdom, articulate, and gentle. “People would come to him for advice, and I would just marvel at the things that came out of his mouth.”

The shock was also because so many people were praying. Melanie would receive emails from people she had never met saying that their churches were praying for Greg. The sheer volume of saints praying gave Melanie confidence that God was hearing and that He would answer, and that Greg’s life would be spared.

Melanie herself begged and begged the Lord to heal him. She knew that if only God would say the word, her husband could be well. “It is reconciling the Word that says that God has the power to heal your husband, and yet He chooses not to.” Melanie has been shocked at the depth of pain and loss this has brought. It has taught her to be more sympathetic to others, and to realize that we can’t fully appreciate what others go through.

“I believe that God does all things well and doesn’t make mistakes. I know that He loves me with an everlasting love. I know that Christ suffered more than my husband. I know that my husband is in heaven, delighting in Jesus, released from all his burdens.” But she still must wrestle with not only Greg’s death, but the fact that it was “hurried along by the nefarious acts of sinful people.” Melanie has been struggling to bring her will into submission and in agreement with God’s will.

“There is a temptation when you go through such pain to think that everything you’ve believed all along isn’t true. If it was true, if God really loves me, how can He allow me to feel this pain? But the Word is true. All the Scriptures I’ve held so dearly are still true, and I can and must still praise and worship Him. He still saves sinners.”

To someone who is going through such a trial of unanswered prayer, Melanie tells us to hold on to who the Lord is, to all the truths that we know, and to speak truth to our minds. The Lord does not bring us agony and trials just for the sake of suffering; He uses them. Even Christ had to learn obedience through suffering! And so we, too, must humble ourselves before the Lord.

For Melanie, it is hard and painful to learn to live and serve without Greg. She still seeks to practice hospitality and to share the gospel. But the husband with whom she did these things for 34 years is not there to do it with her. That terrified her at first, and still pains her. But she prays for God to show her how to serve and what to do.

“I think of 2 Corinthians 1:4, how He comforts us so that we can go and do the same. Even now, I want Him to use the pain and the loss I’ve experienced to help other people.”

Let us remember the widows in our midst! Melanie said, “I’m a really strong person in lots of ways. Because I’m strong, people think I’m doing okay. But there are things that were easy for my husband that are not easy for me.”

Melanie knows that she cannot fathom the ways of God, and she is not trying to figure them out. But she does still hope in Him, and look to Him for strength: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isa. 40:31).

The Oaks of Righteousness column is run by Evelyn Kruis and Tori Sturm. There is an accompanying podcast that shares more stories of older women in the faith, produced by Johnathan Kruis. We welcome suggestions of women to highlight, but we also eagerly invite others to contact us about writing their own articles for this column about women who have been an example of faith to them. You can contact Evelyn at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).