In Galatians 5:22-23 we are told that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Patience and self-control, as well as the other fruits, are the results of the Holy Spirit in our lives and the lives of our children. We can, however, give opportunities for the Holy Spirit to teach patience and self-control to our children. It could be in the proper control of emotions (for example, helping them control anger) or how to be diligent (in studying or working hard).

One special opportunity we have is with regard to financial resources. There are seven areas in which you can help your child learn patience and self-control.

1. Teach your child to be a good steward of all that God gives.

“You have given him dominion over all the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet” (Ps. 8:6). “Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy” (1 Cor. 4:2).

Like the rest of us, our children are to be wise in their use of the environment (you can get them to help recycle), their bodies (have them get exercise), their use of time (limit the amount of screen time each day), their minds (help them develop a Christian world and life view), their natural abilities (learn what these are for your child), their spiritual gifts and abilities (perhaps starting with service to others), and, of course, their money.

Some Christians seem to think that if they give 10 percent to the Lord they can use the other 90 percent however they please. But as we consider that all that we have is the Lord’s, the question becomes, “How does God want me to use it?” Asking your child often, “How does God want you to use your artistic ability or your ability to make friends or to use the money Grandma sent?” can help the child develop an awareness of being a steward. Later on, as an adult, the grown child would then ask, “Has God given me a surplus so that I could anonymously help the young widow with three small children, or replace my car that is no longer dependable, or invest in a new business, or take a vacation that strengthens my family and creates good memories, or invest in my retirement?”

2. Teach your child about giving and saving.

“Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house” (Mal. 3:10). “He who gathers in summer is a prudent son” (Prov. 10:5).

This can and should begin as soon as the child begins to understand the concept of money. When the child is 3, 4, or 5, he/she might receive a birthday gift of $20. It is good training for $2 to be separated out and for the child personally to put the money in next week’s offering. A set percentage, say 50 or 75 percent, could be put into savings. If convenient to do so, taking the child to the bank to deposit the money can reinforce this activity along with a reason for saving money. (“This is your college fund,” or, “This is your car fund.”) In the past, it was much easier to point out the interest on savings and to say, “Look how much money the bank gave you for holding onto your money.” A U.S. savings bond might make that point. “We paid $25 for this saving bond and when you are ready for college it will be $xx.” The remainder of the money the child can spend or even save for something bigger.

3. Teach your child about opportunity cost and deferred gratification.

“So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Gal. 6:10).

Opportunity cost is the loss of other potential gains when one alternative is chosen. You can spend money only once. For instance, if you spend considerable money for a sporty new car, you lose the opportunity to use the money for a down payment on a house. Deferred gratification (waiting to buy something until a more opportune time) runs completely contrary to the culture that says, “I need it now.” Thus, the need for patience and self-control.

According to a survey taken shortly before the introduction of the iPhone 12, 73 percent of those surveyed said it was worth going into debt to buy that phone. The main reason for upgrading to this model is that it is faster. But is the benefit worth the added cost and risk?

A young woman completed her advanced degree and began working at a good job. As she started her professional career, she increased her credit card limits and bought new furniture for her new apartment. Unfortunately, the job did not work out as she hoped, and she carried the credit card debt long after she no longer had any of the furniture.

A recent credit card bill shows that, if I were to pay the minimum, it would take six years to pay off the debt and would cost 50 percent more. In effect, I would be choosing the alternative of paying hundreds of dollars of interest, instead of using the money to buy groceries, or furniture, or baseball cards, or put into retirement savings. A simple way to teach these principles with small children is to go into a room with them and put 10 M&Ms on a plate. Tell the child that the M&Ms are theirs and they can eat them if they want. Tell them you are going to leave for 10 minutes, and when you come back if the M&Ms are still on the plate you will give them 10 more. This teaches patience and self-control. Some children will patiently wait; others will squirm, pick up the candies, and put them down again; while some will eat them as soon as the adult leaves.

In an impatient age, it is good to look for ways to teach your child that every desire cannot be satisfied immediately. For example, if a child wants a bicycle, the parent can help the child to be patient and save in order to buy it. The process might begin with having the child do some research on which bicycle might work well for them and what it costs. Also help the child think through the other costs, such as for a helmet or bicycle lock. Then you can help the child plan to save the amount needed, using some gift money, providing opportunities to make some money, etc.

4. Teach your child about the dangers of debt.

“Owe no one anything” (Rom. 13:8). “The borrower is the slave of the lender” (Prov. 22:7).

Debt can be a heavy burden that can hinder future service to the Lord. Whether it is a young woman who ends up paying more than twice the price of furniture she buys on credit or a young man who must work several years to pay off college debt before heading to the mission field, debt can enslave the person. Make sure your children understand the cost of borrowing. To borrow money for a wedding or honeymoon can cause a marriage to begin with an added burden. Borrowing for education must be considered carefully. I know of several medical students who signed up to practice in underserved communities in order to receive free tuition. Some young people whose interests are auto mechanics, construction, welding, etc. may choose vocational training over college. Sitting out a year before starting college, taking dual-credit courses, taking credits at community colleges or online, going to school part-time and working part-time as well as actively pursuing scholarships can reduce or eliminate the need for college loans.

I recently talked with a mother whose two children wanted to go to an expensive Christian college in Indiana. They desperately wanted to avoid borrowing. By the mother working two part-time jobs, they were able to enroll the older child. But a year later the younger child would be ready to enroll. The parents encouraged the younger to apply for as many scholarships as possible. The last one was based on community service as well as academic achievement. It was only after the child won one of the three scholarships given that they learned it was for full tuition, fees, room, and board.

5. Teach your child about budgeting and planning.

“She considers a field and buys it.…She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.…She is not afraid of snow for her household.…She laughs at the time to come” (Prov. 31:16, 18, 21, 25).

Knowing how to budget is especially important when your child lives on his own for the first time. For some this will not be a problem as they will, almost without thinking, live within their means. For many others, they will feel money pressures and wonder where it all goes.

Perhaps the most basic thing is to have the adult child keep an accurate record of where all the money is spent. Then they can consider their financials goals and how to accomplish them. Am I saving for a down payment or a vacation trip? Do I need to bring in more income through working overtime or selling some craft items online? Or should I cut down on expenses by eating out less or buying fewer new clothes? This thinking can be encouraged when they are still at home by having them keep a record of what they are spending and by helping them plan for a big project (buying a car or starting a lawn-mowing business) where they must make a plan and then execute it.

To be continued in a later article.

Bill Roberts, a retired RP pastor, and his wife, Rachel, are members of the Southside (Indianapolis, Ind.) RPC.