I had not been at this “peacemaking” thing very long, but I was confident about intervening in church conflict—and was even a little cocky. After all, I had plenty of training, along with a full-scale mediation more complex than this one, under my belt. And the church had called on me to intervene—a job usually reserved for veteran pastors and elders.

As the plane hit its cruising altitude, I settled in to read my background materials. Somewhere in that stack of nasty emails is when it hit. My stomach clenched, and I thought to myself, “I can’t help these people.” I was about to find out how right I was.

I am an attorney by trade, but thanks to the encouragement, support, and oversight of the Topeka, Kan., RP session, I am also a Christian Conciliator, certified by Peacemaker Ministries. That means that I have had over 100 hours of training with experienced mediators and Christian counselors, and have logged over 100 hours of actual church intervention, mediation, and “conflict coaching” work in more than 25 cases under the supervision of a mentor.

Over the last 10 years, I have been privileged to serve as a mediator, consultant, instructor, or coach for over 25 RPCNA congregations and a majority of the RPCNA presbyteries. I have also served as a mediator and counselor to parties in the OPC, PCA, PCUSA, Assemblies of God, American Baptist, and Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod). The accounts in this article are drawn from my experiences and are reprinted with the permission of the individuals involved.

It was in one of my earliest mediation experiences that God taught me that the work of reconciliation was His, and that I was to be an ambassador. The case involved a conflict between a pastor and an elder’s wife over the use of their gifts. Both parties’ spouses had become involved, and both families were facing the exit when we began our time together. By the end of our second day, the families were reconciled and all agreed that they could take communion together the coming Lord’s Day—but not by my doing. The one thing I can claim to have done right was to offer this prayer prior to the mediation: “Your will be done, Lord.”

I started to realize the power of this simple prayer when the parties interrupted my mediator’s timetable, asking for more time to offer significant acts of confession and forgiveness. To my surprise, while I had been conducting the mediation, busily checking off boxes, God had been directing the outcome. The Holy Spirit had used the parties’ obedience to Matthew 18 to change their hearts and lives into the image of Christ. I glanced at my co-mediator, saw that he sensed the same thing, and then silently prayed again: “Your will be done, Lord. Don’t let me get in the way.”

As the parties humbled themselves before one another and before God, seeking reconciliation for the good of the church, an amazing thing happened. I saw Jesus’ sacrifice, embodied in tender acts of submission. I heard Jesus lovingly minister to accusers who had lashed out in their anger and fear. I felt that we were in the presence of Jesus as transactions in grace took place between unworthy, unlovable, helpless, confused sinners—myself included! The humble, loving, irresistibly gracious Prince of peace had proven more powerful than all of my training.

I realized that day that I was called into the conflict not just to help, but to be helped. I learned that day that I can’t help people—but I know who can. In all my mediation experiences, where there has been reconciliation, it has come from the work of the Holy Spirit in people who see their conflict as an opportunity to draw closer to the image of Christ. When Christians seek to embody Christ in conflict, dramatic things happen. I have seen it—and now I can’t stop talking about it!

In 2 Corinthians 5, Paul tells us that God has made us Christ’s ambassadors in the “ministry of reconciliation,” and then urges us to be reconciled to God. Christians in this passage are not being called to salvation; they are being called to be “Christ-ones”—to conform to the image of Christ.

“As God’s fellow workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain. For he says, ‘In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.’ I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation” (2 Cor. 6:1-2). Having accepted Christ as your Savior, you now are called to wake up to where God is working in your life. His favor rests here, in the midst of your everyday struggles and conflicts—now is the day of salvation. Now is the time to let your life be conformed or reconciled to the image of Christ.

I witnessed an excellent example of this in a church intervention case. I was one member of a reconciliation team brought in to minister to a conflicted church. This church had been experiencing tremendous growth, and plans were being laid for expansion. However, just as momentum was mounting for expansion, questions about the project caused a critical vote to fall short. Shocked and embittered by the vote, the church ground to an awkward standstill—there was no plan B.

Two leaders who had come to represent the conflicted viewpoints agreed to meet in mediation. Both of these godly men spoke passionately about their views, each clearly desiring what was best for the church. The man who had supported the project was disheartened and offended by the other man’s apparent lack of faith. And the man who spoke cautionary words against the project felt he had been vilified for exercising what he deemed good judgment and wise stewardship.

How could these viewpoints be reconciled? Where was God in this, and what was needed to get the church un-stuck? Should the church adopt a visionary philosophy of “go until God closes the door”? Or was it wiser for the church “go when God opens the door”?
As the men turned their hearts to God’s agenda for the conflict, they surrendered selfish motivations, and, in turn, sought to serve one another. Using his gifts for responsible planning, the “good steward” began to actively support the project. The “visionary” responded to the cautious planner with compassion, defending his reputation. By God’s grace, these key men who had been adversaries were now allies.

The personal reconciliation between these men became an example to other leaders in the congregation. Again I saw Jesus. Elders and deacons took bold steps to repair strained relations, stories of reconciliation were shared with the congregation, and leaders corporately and individually sought forgiveness from the membership for their shortcomings—and forgiveness was granted. That church’s worship service was a living picture of Jesus’ work, and a far cry from many lifeless gatherings I have attended in supposedly “conflict-free” churches.

The conflict had revealed that God’s plan for building His church has more to do with the changing of hearts than it does with any program or project. When stopped in their tracks, the leaders did not view the situation as hopeless, but instead saw it as God directing their paths and causing them to be more Christ-like.

I have been blessed to work alongside a number of gifted peacemakers from the RPCNA and other Reformed churches; and, through the power of the gospel, I have witnessed many other examples of Christ-like behavior.

If you are burdened by hopelessness or guilt from being involved in a conflict, God doesn’t just know about it; He is using it to bring you face-to-face with Jesus. I’ve been there. I’ve seen it and experienced it. It can be painful and exhilarating and breathtaking and exhausting. I can’t wait for my next opportunity to be where Jesus is at work!

Can Anything Good Come from Conflict? HOPE – God is active, not absent in conflict.

FAITH – One’s personal walk may be strengthened in conflict from being forced to rely on the power of the gospel.

WITNESS – It is exciting to tell about reconciliation (with God and with people) that comes from the Prince of peace.

MISSION – Conflict is an opportunity for evangelism, and the opportunities are abundant.

THE CHURCH – What RP peacemakers are doing is part of the church, not parachurch.

EDUCATION – Biblical conflict resolution restores both order (judicial) and peace (pastoral).

—Jonathan Parnell is a deacon in the Topeka, Kan., RPC and has served on the Geneva College Board of Trustees and Synod’s Finance Committee. A 1997 graduate of the Kansas University School of Law, Jonathan is a Peacemaker Ministries trained Christian conciliator, and has completed the core curriculum requirement for certification as a civil mediator in the State of Kansas. He is grateful for the help of Brad Johnston and Darrell & Esther Parnell in the writing of this article.