Hospitality is a means of grace, a way to extend warm generosity to fellow believers, a privilege and duty of all believers—and a terrifying concept for many. But hospitality doesn’t demand a spotless home, spectacular meal, or well-behaved children. Rather, it is a privilege and a means God gives us to serve others and be richly blessed as part of the body of Christ. The global pandemic may have been a reason to temporarily halt hospitality (or preferably, get more creative with it), but with life going back to “normal” again, picking up habits of Lord’s Day hospitality is something every member of the church should resume or begin.

Hospitality is also one of the ways members of the church can bless their pastor and ease some of his family’s burden. Too often, the responsibility of hosting lunch on Sundays falls to the pastor’s family, but this is work that every member of a congregation is able to do. “God calls us to practice hospitality as a daily way of life, not as an occasional activity when time and finance allow,” writes Rosaria Butterfield, member of First (Durham, N.C.) RPC, in her book The Gospel Comes with a House Key. “Radically ordinary hospitality means this: God promises to put the lonely in families (Ps. 68:6), and he intends to use your house as living proof.”

A Tale of Two Hospitalities

As is often the case with our labor in the local church, hospitality can have an unexpected ripple effect that impacts generations. Joanne Howe has witnessed that effect firsthand. As a long-time member of the Oswego RPC in upstate New York, Howe and her late husband Peter were known for their exceptional hospitality, hosting families in their home nearly every Sunday afternoon. Howe acknowledges the blessing her hospitality was to others, but she is more focused on the ways she has been blessed in her years of showing hospitality. “Fellowship is really deep when you can have people at your house and sit down and have a meal with them,” Howe said. “Fellowship dinner is nice, but to have people in your home is a real privilege.”

Breaking bread with guests allowed the Howe family to form deeper relationships with other families in the church, relationships that wouldn’t otherwise have grown so quickly. “We have lifelong friendships, deeper than just seeing people at church,” Howe said. “There’s a saying, ‘Don’t just go to church on Sunday; you have to be a Christian seven days a week.’ I say don’t just fellowship at church—be a Christian in your home.”

The hospitality of the Howe family blessed one family in particular, launching a new generation of hospitality in a nearby congregation. Megan Goerner and her husband, Chris, were new to the RP Church when they started attending Oswego RPC an hour and a half from their home. From the beginning, “there was never a week that someone didn’t invite us into their home for lunch,” Goerner said. It made a lasting impression on these new Christians. “Chris was grabbed by the theology in [Oswego RP Church pastor] Kit’s teaching,” Goerner said. “I was taken in by the hospitality of the congregation—most especially the Howes.”

The Howe family went above and beyond in extending hospitality to this newly married couple. Goerner recalls that, since they had a long drive to church, the Howes would invite them to stay over on Saturday night so they wouldn’t have so much time in the car on Sunday. They became an example of an established Christian household that the Goerners would later emulate. “We saw what we wanted our family to look like when we had kids,” Goerner said. “We saw a married couple that loved one another, kids that were not a burden, but they were brought into the fellowship of the family. We saw the reading aloud of good books. We learned how to do family worship at the Howes’ house.”

Part of the Howes’ teaching on the Christian life was about the importance of extending gracious and warm hospitality. “We learned from the Howes that food is such a blessing from God,” Goerner said. “We learned about the aesthetic of eating—there was always something that made a meal in their home really beautiful.” On the Howes’ side, “We grew very quickly to love them very much,” Howe shared. “We had a lot of fun over the years. It’s been good to now be a guest in their home years later.”

Over the years, the Howes “became our mentors informally,” Goerner recounts. “We knew they loved us. We were so impressed by the way they lived their Christian life with delight.” This lasting impact stayed with the Goerners as they participated in planting a church in Utica, N.Y., extending hospitality often and opening their home to many new Christians.

Hospitality Practicalities

Despite knowing that hospitality is an important piece in the life of the church, it can be a challenge to actually do it, especially if it isn’t a habit. Howe and Goerner shared some of their practical tips to make hospitality a joy, learned from their decades of experience.

Know the difference between hospitality and entertaining. Hospitality and entertaining are not the same thing, and Goerner is quick to remind those hesitant that they can offer “good enough” hospitality to guests.

Entertaining is “that Martha Stewart feel where everything has to be perfect,” Goerner said, and often means showing off what a good decorator you are, what a tidy home you have, or what delicious food you can prepare.

Hospitality, on the other hand, is first and foremost about fellowship. Hospitality is warm, inviting, and seeks to make the other person comfortable. Especially for Sunday afternoons, Goerner’s hospitality includes meals that come together easily.

“Don’t try to do a bunch of side dishes,” Goerner suggested. “I like a one pot meal with bread and a salad.” She always keeps a box of brownie mix in the cupboard. “You don’t want this to be a crafted, super elegant, five-hour-to-prep meal; you’ll burn right out,” Goerner said.

Whether you’re having a picnic, frozen pizza, or using paper plates, “when you’re face to face with somebody over a table, you are telling them that they’re important,” Howe said. She emphasized that fancy dishes, a beautiful home, and spectacular food have nothing to do with showing excellent hospitality. “You don’t need a fine table setting to enjoy good food with people you are learning to care about,” she said.

Don’t let dust bunnies cramp your style. “You are the most critical of your own home,” Goerner said. “Other people are not coming in to see how much dust you have in your home.” A big barrier to showing hospitality can be that your home never feels clean enough. Kids’ toys, unswept floors, dishes in the sink, and neglected baseboards shouldn’t stop anyone from welcoming others. “Hospitality means I really want to spend time with you in spite of how imperfect my house is right now,” Goerner said.

Howe is the first to admit her family “did not have an incredible standard of cleanliness” when they opened their home to others. But part of preparing for the Sabbath meant picking up the house and preparing food on Saturday so Sunday could truly be restful for everyone.

Hospitality isn’t about you; it’s about serving other people. Don’t let your embarrassment or the need to seem like you have it all together prevent you from showing mercy to fellow Christians. And, in actuality, “26 years into marriage, I still don’t have matching silverware,” Goerner confessed. “No one’s ever made a comment about it.”

The Blessings of Faithful Hospitality

Showing hospitality to members of the local church is a privilege that comes with many blessings. The most obvious one is getting to know people better. Having guests in your home has a way of forging stronger relationships and deeper connections with fellow believers. The friendship between the Goerner and Howe families has lasted for decades and borne fruit in both of their lives and congregations. “It’s really cool the way the blessing extends,” Howe said.

Hospitality isn’t just a service you do for others, but a way of providing for yourself and your family spiritually through rich fellowship. Goerner also sees it as a way to teach her children how to serve others and to help them grow spiritually. “Your children get to participate in rich, adult conversation,” she said. “They get to talk about God with people who aren’t just their parents.”

Extending hospitality is a worthy way to spend the Lord’s Day. “It takes your focus off the daily tasks you might be tempted to do otherwise,” Goerner said. “I always get to the end of showing hospitality on Sunday and feel like I’ve been fed.”

To Whom Should We Show Hospitality?

Hospitality within the church allows us to grow in our love for fellow believers. If you’re thumbing through your church directory trying to decide where to start, Goerner has an unexpected suggestion: fellowship with people in the church who you are frustrated with or feel bitter toward. “When you’re avoiding people, things get built up bigger than when you’re engaging,” she said.

Single people, widows, and college students will likely go home and be by themselves after church if they are not shown hospitality. “There should be an offer of somewhere for them to go every Sunday,” Goerner said. “That should be a conscious thing on the heart of every family in the church.”

In her book on hospitality, Butterfield writes, “Perhaps you have not noticed this, but the Lord’s Day is a terrible day of temptation and sin for many people. Without the moorings of worship, a vital church community, and meaningful fellowship, it is nearly impossible to actually honor the fourth commandment.”

Big families also need to be shown the love and care of hospitality. Often big families get left out, but there are creative ways to accommodate them. Howe’s husband built a bigger table to fit such families in their home. They have also hosted outside during the summer, seating people on picnic blankets.

Christians are called to be involved in each other’s lives, living in community with Christ’s church and helping to build and strengthen it. One of the best ways we can do that is to welcome each other into our homes.

Hospitality is not a spiritual gift that some people have and others don’t—it is a joyful duty that we are all called to as part of the church. As we begin another year of school, work, and routine, let’s challenge ourselves to be intentional about showing hospitality this year.