A Distant Memory

Long ago, during my student days, there was a brief conversation I had almost forgotten.

I went to a traditional boarding school in the U.K., but in the summer months, I would travel home. One summer day when I was visiting home, a local Baptist group doing neighborhood outreach knocked on my parents’ door.

I explained to them that I too was a professing Christian, and we had a brief and casual discussion. Before they left, they simply shared the verse from Acts 16:31: “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” I recall thinking that over and wondered how it would be possible since my parents were professing atheists and quite set in their ways.

Unexpected Roller Coaster

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God” (Ps. 42:5).

After some years of globe-trotting, I finally settled in the Canadian National Capital Region. After our first child (Anna) turned one, my wife and I decided to start attending the Hillside Reformed Presbyterian Church in Almonte, Ont. We were warmly welcomed there. Before long we were expecting our second child, Alex.

Three days after Alex was born, we received a late-night phone call that my father had experienced a serious cardiac arrest in Vancouver, B.C., at my parents’ home. Adding to the seriousness of the situation, my mother had been suffering from a deteriorating Parkinson’s disease, and my father was her primary caregiver. I was informed that the ambulance had taken them both to the hospital.

As soon as we received the phone call, my wife helped me arrange a flight to Vancouver. Once I arrived it was clear my father was gone, and the hospital was just waiting for me to arrive to make the final determination. I had barely begun to process the situation. But as soon as my wife found out, and without hesitation, she advised me to not leave British Columbia without bringing my mother with me. So it was a quick decision for us to become my mother’s primary caregivers.

Facing the Challenge

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isa. 41:10).

After being away the first month and a half of my son’s life arranging my father’s funeral, I brought my mother home to live with us. At the time we lived in a farmstead in the country. It became obvious that it was not the most appropriate location, so we decided to relocate closer to the city. Besides relocating and raising two young kids, I was also going through a busy career phase. Furthermore, we soon discovered the many challenges of providing around-the-clock care for someone suffering from advanced Parkinson’s, including calming my mother during many nights of sporadic anxiety attacks.

To add to the complexity, we did not realize that no one in the healthcare system would provide true medical advocacy except us, the primary caregivers, during the many trips to emergency rooms and specialists, the fact findings, a surgery, and intensive care stays.

For those couple of years, my wife and I experienced intense exhaustion. Many times I felt like I was passing out—and I am pretty sure I did pass out on several occasions.

Rays of Sunshine

“Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (Luke 15:10).

I do not want to give an overwhelmingly gloomy picture of this time. It was physically and mentally exhausting; however, looking after my mother was also one of the most spiritually blessed periods my family and I have experienced.

Through a journey of physical suffering and much prayers, the Lord opened to us a door for the Word to declare the mystery of Christ. One of the benefits of being the primary caregiver is that you spend a lot of time showing love and care to that person. I lost count of how many times we were able to go over redemptive history and to share the gospel of Christ with my mother.

It was not always a simple, linear progression of discussion; often it felt like two steps forward and one step back. Many times basic questions were raised, and biblical answers were offered. Not long after, however, the same questions would come up again. But the Spirit was always with us, granting us patience and reminding us that it is always a joy to share the grace and mercy of our Lord with someone, regardless of the circumstances. It was not just through my own household that my mother heard the gospel. Many brothers and sisters from Hillside RPC were extremely supportive and provided practical love and help to us. My mother was particularly moved by seeing so many people, young kids included, who came out and built a wheelchair ramp for her on a cold winter day. It was obvious the Spirit was working in her.

Finally, to the joy of everyone, she professed the Lord to be her Savior. She was baptized at Hillside by Pastor Matt Dyck on the same day our infant son Alex was baptized.

Memorable Conversations

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Ps. 73:26).

My mother passed away after two years of being in our care, but her testimony lives on. Furthermore, we are comforted to know that she held on to the greatest testimony, as we are taught in 1 John 5:11. My mother said she wished to someday share her testimony with others, but she worried that her health and rapidly deteriorating speech would prevent that. I made a promise to her that her testimony would be heard one way or another, and I trust that it has indeed blessed many since then.

I would like to share with you a few memorable moments from the last year of her time on this earth.

One night, likely around two or three in the morning, she was going through an episode of physical pain and anxiety. I went to her bedroom to comfort her. She asked me why it had to be her who had to experience this kind of illness. After reading a few verses to her, I asked her to consider a scenario. What if she could be as healthy as an Olympic athlete, have all the wealth in the world, and live to be 120? Her eyes twinkled, and she said that would be nice indeed. Then I added, “What if you could only have all those things with one condition, that you would be without Christ?” She pondered for a brief moment and turned to me with a renewed sense of calm and told me: “I am fine now, son. Go get some sleep.”

My wife and I found an audio Bible and downloaded it to an iPod for my mother to listen to. One day I was driving her to a medical facility. She was already extremely weak and frail by that point. I was trying to entertain her by making casual conversations, but she turned to me and said: “I know you are trying to be nice, son, but I would like to have more Jesus now.” She proceeded to put her earphones back in and resumed listening to what was most nourishing and pleasing to her, to be closer to Jesus.

There is another truly amazing thing that we will always remember. Due to her Parkinson’s, she would regularly have severe muscle spasms while lying down—basically suffering from full-body restlessness. But whenever anyone started praying with her, she would immediately become calm and have a big smile on her face. There is nothing like witnessing how the afflicted are comforted by the Lord.

No Regrets

“Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Eph. 5:20).

After my mother passed away, someone once curiously asked me at a discussion group if it was cultural reasons causing us to look after her at home full time. My response was that, despite my last name, I actually do not have emotional ties to any cultural traditions. Rather, it was faith that compelled us. If we are called to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, how then can we not do more for the afflicted in our own family? And if we are called to honor our mother and father, how then can we not provide care up close and personal? How can we just rely on the system or financial arrangements to take care of them at arm’s length? Moreover, if we have been given the Great Commission, how can we not pursue every open door in our own family circle and let the gospel be heard?

Sometimes we are tempted to look back and ponder our choices in life. But seeing all the blessings that flowed from my mother encountering Christ and His saving grace, how can we ever wish to see anything happen differently? We can only give thanks continually and keep passing on our testimonies.

Peter Chan is an elder of the Hillside RPC in Almonte, Ontario. He is married to Megan, and they have four children: Anna (13), Alex (11), Abi (9), and Andrea (4).