Routine. That’s what it was. Neither drudgery nor joy; this was part of my work and I was following through. That was the spirit in which I drove to the dedication of the John Gerstner collection at Geneva College.

What stirred me out of the slumber of my routine was hearing about how theologian John Gerstner (1914–1996) had influenced people’s hearts and how he had expressed his own heart amidst his staunch and sacrificial advocacy for the pure gospel of Christ. Dr. Stephen Nichols, chief academic officer of Ligonier Ministries, told how Gerstner was instrumental in bringing the young R.C. Sproul alongside and mentoring him. Dr. Jonathan Gerstner shared about the personal and family side of his dad. David Kenyon, pastor of Gerstner’s last congregation, told about the man’s shepherding and discipling heart in his final years.

One of them shared a conversation R.C. Sproul had had with Gerstner as Gerstner endured terminal cancer. Sproul asked what he was most looking forward to about heaven. “I look forward to loving God unhindered by sin,” Gerstner said.

The words seemed reasonable, but they weren’t what I expected from someone whose life seemed focused on the purity of doctrine. True, some of the doctrinal battle was essentially forced upon him by the decay of biblical doctrine around him in the mainline Presbyterian churches and institutions; but I hadn’t expected love to be in those last words.

I still haven’t stopped thinking about that sentence. Is it what I could say? Is it something I’m really looking forward to about heaven? Am I conscious of how much is keeping me, or how much I allow to keep me, from loving God in this world, and of how much I am missing?

The latest editorial in the Covenanter Witness of Scotland and Ireland kept me on this train of thought. Editor David McKay spoke of our emphasis on purity of worship but reminded us that “formal correctness does not compensate for hardness of heart, thoughtlessness, wandering thoughts.” How often have I been singing a psalm or listening to a sermon and allowed my mind to wander? Truly there are godly diversions in such cases, such as being convicted by God’s Word of a particular sin I have committed and dealing with it immediately before God’s throne. But there are also many ungodly distractions, where I find my mind wandering during a psalm and then being called back to the words. What a great burden will be lifted on the day when all sinful distractions are history—in corporate worship and everywhere else—and when I can know and feel God’s love and love Him back with my entire heart, soul, mind, and strength.

I think of one of my children, whose enthusiasm when opening gifts was completely unfettered. You knew exactly how he felt about the gift because his words and his entire body could not contain the joy. I’m looking forward to loving God like that.