Having grown up in the midst of war-torn Iran and in a strictly Muslim family, at age nine Naghmeh Panahi nonetheless heard the Word of God and believed the gospel. Her family moved to the United States, but as an adult and a businesswoman Naghmeh returned to Iran. Eventually she and her husband, Saeed Abedini, also a U.S. citizen, started house churches in Iran, which led to the start of over 2,000 house churches.

On one return to Iran, Saeed was arrested. During his three-and-a-half year imprisonment, he became one of the highest-profile political prisoners in the world. Naghmeh advocated to many world leaders for his release.

Eventually another side to the story came out, one of Saeed’s abuse of his pastoral office and physical abuse of his wife as well as his adultery.

After word of the abuse from her spouse had come out, she received many books from people to help. The small book that stood out to her was What to Do When You Are Abused by Your Husband: A Biblical Perspective by an Orthodox Presbyterian pastor, Robert Needham. That was the book that resonated with her because it took marriage and the Bible very seriously, and it was the book she would commend to others. Eventually Pastor Needham became a counselor and friend to her.

She said, “Through him, I really gained a love of Scripture, and I learned how sloppy we had been in how we read Scripture. I developed a great desire to understand Scripture. He’s in his 80s, and he’s a great, godly, wise person whom God has brought into my life to go to when I’m confused or need some biblical counseling and help. He’s become a very good friend to me.

“He didn’t say he was a Reformed pastor or OP. I wouldn’t have known what that was. But as we went through Scripture, he would say, ‘Why do you think this says that? What about this?’ It really helped me to process things.”

Naghmeh later met President Barry York of the RP Seminary, who has been a mentor to her as she continues her journey of growth in grace and sanctification.

On a recent trip to Pittsburgh, Pa., to visit with her publisher, Naghmeh agreed to talk with the Witness about her story.

RPW: In our conversation earlier, I mentioned that we sing from the Book of Psalms in our worship services. We also follow the scriptural teaching that Christ is King over the nations and that all nations will come to Him and that believers will rule with Him. Psalm 2 has been important to you from the time you were first converted at age nine. Can you tell us about that?

Naghmeh: When I first became a follower of Christ, I was given a book that was the Psalms and the New Testament. I only read up to Psalm 2. I finished Psalm 2 before my parents took it away from us because they became very angry. I read Psalm 2, and verse 8 says, “Today I’ve begotten you; ask of me and I will give you the nations as your inheritance.” It was so fresh. I had just become a follower of Christ, so I thought, “Oh, today He’s begotten me.” It just made sense. Literally, today He’s begotten me. I’m His child.

Then after that, it says, “Ask of me.” I thought, “Oh, and I can ask Him for the nations?” In my little nine-year-old mind, I just kept asking Him, “Lord, you’ve begotten me. I’m your child. I want to see the nations come to know you, especially the Muslim nations.” I would also say, “Especially Iran,” which was the country of my birth. I prayed that from age nine until my 30s.

The first time I felt like God was answering was when Saeed was in prison and I was in front of the United Nations in Geneva. I was sitting in front of the president and the vice president; there were all these nations. There was a glass window of translators as I was sharing about Jesus.

I was actually there to talk about my husband, but I veered off the written paper that the UN had approved. I said, “I’m here because my husband is in prison for Jesus, because he believed that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sin.” I just gave the whole gospel message. As I was doing that, God reminded me, the Holy Spirit reminded me, of the verse in Psalm 2. I was so emotional.

One thing that is the core of my book is that God used Saeed’s imprisonment for me to be able to share the gospel to the nations, including with presidents. I met with President Obama and President Trump and heads of state of other countries. I was on secular media. One of the media that I was so touched to be on was BBC Farsi, because it was broadcast all over Iran, and millions of Iranians got to hear the gospel.

Even today I meet with people who say, “How I became a Christian was I saw you. The Iranian government was showing you on TV, and they were saying she became a Christian. I thought to myself, you can become a Christian?” In a lot of Muslim countries, you don’t think you can actually change your religion. You think you’re born a Muslim, you’re always a Muslim.

God also used that moment to advocate for the persecuted church. In my 20s, I had gone back to Iran as a missionary. For the first time, I saw what happens to Christians. A handful of my friends were killed. Others were in prison. Almost everyone I knew at some point was in prison for their faith. There was such a fear because Christians were hunted down just because they believe in Jesus.

I saw the plight of the persecuted church against this very oppressive government. When Saeed was in prison, I felt like God gave me a platform to speak out about that and really call out the Iranian government. The underlying factor that I didn’t see that God was doing was that He was setting me free from a very abusive marriage. I didn’t see that coming.

RPW: One of the things that characterizes your life from childhood is you had the discernment and conviction to follow God and His Word, regardless of what parents, relatives, secret police, or others said, even though otherwise you were a very obedient person. How do you explain that strong conviction?

Naghmeh: Even my parents were surprised that we became followers of Christ at age nine. As a child, you want to please your parents. Everyone thought we were going to forget about Jesus. We had no Bible. We had no Christian community to help us. When we became followers of Jesus, my brother said, “I found the God we’ve been looking for.”

I think God had pursued us. Looking back through the war and then coming to America, I just see a pursuit of God. I really believe this—that He has His chosen people. The only thing that makes sense is that we were chosen by God and picked by God. There was nothing my parents or anyone or the Iranian government could do, whether the persecution was from our house or from the government, that would take away that faith.

RPW: That’s remarkable to those of us who didn’t go through something that severe.

Naghmeh: Especially from age 9 to 17, my parents were really trying to convert us back. Especially my dad. My last name, my full maiden last name, is Shariat Panahi, which means protector of the Islamic law and means we were direct descendants of the Prophet Muhammad of Islam. My dad was so passionate about that. He couldn’t believe we’d become Christians. My parents and my little sister ended up becoming Christians after about 10 years.

RPW: One time in Iran, you denied being a Christian under pressure, but after that you had other opportunities to deny Christ. Even though you had severe threats on your life and your welfare, you stood up for Christ each time. What would you say to those who are devastated because, in some way, they have denied Christ?

Naghmeh: I think God is more gracious and merciful than we can imagine. When I went back to Iran, it was right after September 11. I knew there were so many martyrs. We had Brother Haik, we had Brother Dibaj. There were so many that were being killed. I was gripped by fear of what would happen to me as a young girl. In my fear, on the immigration paper I wrote Muslim when I was entering the country.

When I actually got in the country, I faced several arrests, but there was one that was really scary. I had guns to my head, told that I would be killed if I didn’t say I was Muslim.

In that moment, it seemed like my life was in the hands of these radicals and the Iranian government, but God turned it around and helped me to not deny Christ. As soon as I opened my mouth, God really gave me the words. When I saw the interrogator have tears in his eyes and want to follow Jesus—the person who had been arresting Christians and persecuting them—in that moment I had peace about the sovereignty of God. Governments and these radical Muslims could say, “This is what’s going to happen to you,” but if God says, “No, not her time,” then it isn’t my time.

In that moment, I had such peace of understanding in the sovereignty of God, that He’s bigger than these governments or these radical Muslims. I was reminded of Peter in that moment when He gave me the strength to say I was a Christian and released me of that fear. He is merciful. I carried the guilt of denying Him on the immigration paper for years until that moment. From that moment, God was like, “I get that there’s such fear,” like the disciples.

I don’t know what people’s situation is when they deny Christ. It could be that they don’t want to be embarrassed in front of their classmates. It might not be a life-or-death situation. I don’t know, but God understands. God gives us grace. I do believe, through my journey, I’m growing, I’m learning, and God gives me grace to grow through the sanctification process, to learn how to trust Him. There are times where I didn’t trust Him, and I said, “I’m not a Christian,” but then He guided me and showed me, “You can trust me; I have you.”

RPW: Some of us reading your book, or reading this article, will say we haven’t directly denied Christ, but we feel numb in our spiritual walk, in our routine, not really doing anything to let people notice that we’re Christians or standing up for anything, that anybody would want to persecute us. Some might say a lot of people in the American church are like that. What would you say to people like that?

Naghmeh: I was raised for 37 years in America. There were only a few years that I went to Iran as a missionary. I would say, don’t despise the little things. A lot of times, we do things and we think, “This doesn’t matter for the kingdom. I’m just doing this again and again and again. I’m not doing these amazing works, missionary works, or bringing people to Christ.” I think staying faithful in the little things is important—who you are in your family, as a husband, as a wife, as a child, wherever God has you, and living a life that honors Him and is faithful to Him, even though you might not have a great platform. He is training you.

For example, right before Saeed went to prison, I was working—full-time mom and full-time job. I was cleaning diapers. I had two kids back-to-back. I was working. There was the house church movement in Iran, but for me it was like six or seven years of nothing but cleaning, cooking, and working. In those years, God was actually preparing me for the next season in my life. Within a moment, I was in the media and I was before presidents. In those moments beforehand, He was teaching me very important lessons of contentment, of what it means to serve Him when it doesn’t look like I’m serving Him.

RPW: You’ve had opportunities over a wide spectrum, in many countries and many different situations, to meet people and share the gospel. What are some ways you share the gospel with someone you’ve just met?

Naghmeh: Right now, I work with a lot of refugees. Initially I’ll just become their friends and take them to appointments and so on. They know that I’m a convert, which brings up a lot of discussions about why I converted from Islam. There’s either a lot of anger or a lot of curiosity.

Evangelism has been my passion since I was young. I think a lot of times we worry about what we would say, and we forget to be ourselves and know that Christ works through all of that. As Christians, we live daily learning what it means to honor God, wherever He has us, and I think others see.

Also, a big part of what I learned through the abuse is how we treat ourselves. The Bible says there was unity in the early church, and there was love, and people were added to the church. A lot of times, I don’t go through the gospel or say, “Jesus came to die for your sin.”

I think being yourself is important and saying, “I had such anxiety, and then I cried out to God, and this is what God showed me.” I share a verse. I just talk about my relationship with God and what I’m going through, and the verse God gave me to help me through that. A lot of the people listen, because it’s like talking about your relationship with your husband or your wife or your children. I’m just talking about this daily relationship—how this morning I woke up and I was worried about this. Or, I say to other women, “I’m getting to be an empty nester. This is what I struggle with, but then God shows me this.”

RPW: You’ve had so many opportunities to disciple believers, especially new believers. It doesn’t sound like you had a lot of materials available to you in Iran. How do you disciple new believers?

Naghmeh: The first thing to ask is, Are they a disciple? I’ve had people try to disciple people who are not disciples. Are they willing to forsake all for Christ? Jesus’s first command is that disciples would leave everything. Are they willing to die to themselves? Are you? Is this person willing to be discipled and follow Christ no matter the cost?

In Iran, there was a great deal of cost. The moment they became Christian, they were saying, “I am going to lose everything to follow Christ.”

I teach a love of the Word. The way I was raised was going through the Bible verse by verse. That’s all I knew from the church I became part of after college. Then InterVarsity taught us OIA: observation, interpretation, application. That’s all I knew. I was a baby Christian when I went back to Iran. I’d been into reading the Bible and discipleship for the four years I was in college because, before then, I was living at home with Muslim parents.

I was married to a very charismatic person who believed that the Holy Spirit works outside the Bible, and you shouldn’t hold on too fast to the Word of God. I personally believe the reason for a lot of the growth of the house church movement was that I would come back to the Word and we would read verse by verse. We would talk about the Word of God. In Iran, the exciting thing is that a lot of people have become Christians. It’s one of the fastest-growing churches, but there’s a lot of baby Christians, which means there could be a lot of wrong theology and cultish behavior.

The Word of God was essential in understanding the church in Iran and teaching the Christians there. Usually, a false teacher tries to twist the Word of God. It was interesting that I was teaching them that, but I was married to a very cultish person.

RPW: God’s providence is very interesting.

Naghmeh: Yes, I wasn’t seeing it myself. I would teach them that usually a false teacher tries to twist Scripture for their own benefit. If you’re being taught something, think, “Is this drawing me closer to Christ, or is this drawing me closer to this person? Is this benefiting the kingdom of God, or benefiting this person?” I would try to warn them and tell them, “You really want to just be drawn to Christ.” There were no materials, like you said. It was the grace of God. It was the work of the Holy Spirit, so that there was boldness for the gospel, even under persecution.

In God’s grace, the majority of the people that I was able to disciple are almost 25-year believers. They’re still in the Lord, and they’re leading hundreds and thousands of people. Some have gone to different countries like Canada, Cyprus, England, or Switzerland. Some have remained in Iran.

RPW: Much of your book relates to what Scripture refers to as the old man and the new man, or the old nature and the new nature. When you saw this battle in Saeed, for a while, you thought it was the usual struggle that all Christians face; but with him, it was at another level. You said, “We were living in an alternate universe where sin and the divine coexisted. Saeed seemed to be both a sinner and a saint, and I was a contributor to this perplexing dichotomy. My family and I were enablers who were supporting him during his times of ministry, knowing that Saeed was not fit to lead a ministry.” How can we recognize the warning signs in other people?

Naghmeh: I think the greatest deception in the church is that we’re deceived by great works. If I had to say what was the greatest deception, for me, it is that. One thing that Pastor Needham walked me through is the verse, “In the last days, many will say to Jesus, ‘Lord, I did miracles. I prophesied in your name and cast out demons.’” Jesus says, “Get away from me. I never knew you, you man of lawlessness” (Matt. 7:21–23). That was shocking to me because I think, as the church, we raise up people like Ravi Zacharias and these big names.

They’re doing great work, and we don’t criticize them because we’re like, “Look at the great work they’re doing,” which, in God’s kingdom, means nothing. Yes, God uses anyone. God can use an unbeliever, but we worship the great work, and the people that do great works.

I would say take the blinders off, look at the person differently than the works. Separate it and say, “Okay, outside of these great works that are blinding me, or could be blinding me, how is this person honoring God? Are they serving others, or are they trying to lord it over others? Are they humble?” God is close to the humble but is separated from the prideful. Is there a spirit of humility? Is he acting like a servant or acting like a king?

I think the reason a lot of people in the church today who speak out about abuse are shut down, is because there’s confusion of, “Look at their great work.” Or there’s shutting down those who’ve been abused, saying, “Don’t talk about it. You’re going to destroy God’s work.” It’s almost like you should hide sin so that the cause of Christ is furthered, which is what I was told. You hide sins so that you’re protecting the cause of Christ—which is nowhere in the Bible, but that’s what a lot of people think.

RPW: You use the metaphor of a snake bite to describe living in an abusive relationship with a Christian husband and leader. You have to deal not only with the snake, as it were, but also the poison that circulates in the body from his bites. Tell us how you dealt with that and overcame that.

Naghmeh: For so long in my life, I just shook things off and moved on, kept walking. Then there was a time where I couldn’t walk anymore, and I was really bedridden. That was a good time of God dealing with it. I had to process everything I went through, whether it was the war, persecution in Iran, the divorce, or the abuse, with the Word of God.

That was the season when I became friends with Pastor Needham and the Reformed church. That was a really good time for me and my children, for us to calm down and really appreciate God’s Word. I was reading through Scripture and re-looking at Scripture. I had to go back with Pastor Needham and look at verses that were used against me, almost like the snake bite. It was evil. It’s evil because the abuse is not just abuse; it is using God’s name to abuse. That’s the greater evil.

My friend Miriam says when you’re being persecuted from the outside, you think, “Okay, that’s the enemy,” but when a husband or a pastor uses the Word of God, which is supposed to set us free and to protect us, to actually harm and inflict wounds, that’s where a lot of people become confused because the name of Jesus is being used to do harm. That’s the most wicked thing of all.

I had years of just going through the Word of God and rereading passages that were used. For example, I was told you submit no matter what. You do your part of submission and God is going to take care of the rest. But then as we read through Scripture, I realized you don’t submit to corruption and abuse. It doesn’t honor God to enable that.

Especially with my husband, the bigger issue was that he was a Christian hero; and if I would have continued in that silence and submission, a lot of people would have been deceived. The head of Saeed’s denomination, Assemblies of God, wrote me a letter, and I still have it. He said millions would have been deceived if I had not spoken up; so by me submitting and hiding, I was no longer just harming myself. I was going to harm the body of Christ.

Exposing the abuse meant I lost everything. I was told by some big names that if you expose the abuse, you’re going to lose everything. You’re never going to do ministry, etc. But actually I lost everything that was bad. I lost the poison of the Christian celebrity world. I was really getting drawn into that. I was getting on private jets and seeing a lot of Christians that benefited from the gospel. I was in that world, and yes, I lost everything, but actually, God was stripping me of all the things that could have killed me and poisoned me. It was very freeing to get rid of all of that and just have a normal life in Boise and not be injected with pride. You can’t have the world, or pursue the world, and have Christ. The Bible says it’s not possible.

Even with ministry leaders and pastors, you really have to crucify self all the time, because you can get sucked into this place your platform creates, which keeps getting bigger and bigger. This kind of business mindset comes into the Christian world, so you really have to crucify self and say, “No. No movie deal. No, I’m not going to do this. No, I’m not going to do that,” which is very hard to do. That’s why Jude says it’s like the cross. It’s like crucifying self, because the self really wants to puff itself up.

RPW: What counsel would you give to someone who’s currently coming to the realization that they’re in an abusive relationship?

Naghmeh: I would say draw a boundary. Draw any boundary, and see where it’s headed. I had to study 1 Peter. There are Bible passages that have been used against those who are being abused, but if you read them, there’s so much wisdom in Scripture. Draw a boundary, and you see where it’s headed, where that relationship is headed, and then God will give you a way of escape. You will really know if you’re with a toxic person, whether it’s in your work or in your marriage, or with a pastor, leader, whoever. When you draw any boundary, usually, people who are very abusive or have abusive tendencies, they don’t like that. For example, my first boundary that I talked about in my book was, “You can’t talk to me like that anymore,” and he blew up. I said, “You can’t be mean to me,” and that was not acceptable. Draw any boundary, and then you can see where it’s headed.

RPW: You’ve experienced tremendous answers to prayer in your life, and it’s clear God has done remarkable things in you, through you, and around you. We tend to focus on the mountaintops, even as we look at your life and your book. You spent a lot of time in the valleys, too, and I wonder, what counsel would you have for the people who are reading this, who are in the valley right now, and maybe aren’t hearing God’s answer?

Naghmeh: In the valley, there was a time when I couldn’t do anything except hold on to Jesus. It was hard to read Scripture and to pray, but I would cry out to God and say, “I believe in you, my hope is in you, and you’re going to get me through.” Some seasons, you pray and it gets better, but there are seasons in which God allows you to walk through that valley. No matter how much you pray, you’re walking through that darkness for a season. It could be months, it could be years.

I would imagine the woman holding on to Jesus’s cloak. I thought, “I’m not letting you go. I can’t see anything, I have no hope.” I would say, He will get you through those seasons. I think once you come out of the valley, you can see, wow, I had a growth spurt. That was the time in my Christian walk where I grew the most. In my book, I talk about a time of wilderness that I went through after everything crumbled, after my advocacy. Then there was a time that I went through a really bad depression. During both of those times, what I learned was that I had a greater trust in God, that He does get you through the darkness.

In my depression, I couldn’t even walk because of what I was going through (it was all mental, not physical), so I learned that if God doesn’t give us the grace, we really can’t talk and we can’t walk. I would look at people driving and think, “Wow,” because I had no strength to drive. I thought, “Wow, they’re driving, they can go to the grocery store.” I couldn’t go to a store. I couldn’t even take care of myself. I had no appetite. I really learned in that season, first, to be content where I was, but also that really, outside of the grace of God, we can’t do anything.

I would read 1 Thessalonians, where it says, “Pray all the time.” I thought, “How can you pray all the time?” but when you realize how dependent you are on God, you do pray all the time. You pray, “Help me to walk,” because you know that within a moment, you can be so weak that you can’t walk or talk or think. Those wilderness seasons and those times in the valley really taught me to depend on God and be very careful about pride because, in a moment, starting to trust in yourself could be your downfall again. I was really learning to be guarded against pride. My kids and I pray every day that God would give us a spirit of humility, a heart of humility before Him.