During a conversation around the table at a large family gathering, one of your covenant children begins to make noises, subtle at first, then progressively louder and more annoying. You become agitated as you try to ignore the behavior and then gently correct the behavior. The child ceases for a moment and then, when he thinks you’re not paying attention, begins again. You become increasingly irritated and embarrassed as you have to again correct the behavior, this time a bit more forcibly.

While this is transpiring, your mother not-so-subtly indicates to you that you once behaved the same way. She proceeds to intervene on the child’s behalf with stories of similar behavior from you. The child now does stop, but only to listen and to have fuel to argue with you later.

The details may be different for your family, but I think we can all relate to a similar scenario.

We are not perfect people. Whether we were raised as covenant children ourselves or not, we have fallen short of parents’ and God’s expectations. All of us can be reminded of former behaviors, and parents often see behavior in our children that we exhibit ourselves.

This is the challenge of being a sinful person parenting sinful offspring. Our children often reflect us. The reflections are not always negative, of course, and there can be funny things. Our son Dominic is often referred to as Brian’s mini-me. Dominic’s appearance mirrors that of Brian at the same ages, and they have similar mannerisms. There is a picture of Brian and Dominic sled riding. They are on the same sled, one behind the other, with an identical facial expression: their tongues sticking out of the side of their mouths as they concentrate.

Children might reflect their parents through personality traits, skills, or interests. Brian began his career at Geneva College as a music major, and Heather performed with the choir and marching band in high school and the marching band at Geneva. All of our children love music, and Amanda, Anthony, and Dominic all participate in choir and marching band. Monica likes to plan events and organize schedules and activities, just like her mother. The children all like some quiet time to themselves, like their mother. The children have little fear of speaking to new people or in front of crowds, like their father. Many of our children are independent and confident, oftentimes foolhardily so, like their parents.

Children will also reflect our values. As a family, we value gathering with the saints on the Lord’s Day. We thankfully do not hear complaints about having to get up for church on Lord’s Day morning. We don’t often have our authority questioned. Even this can sometimes result in scary or funny situations.

When Anthony was about four or five, we took a camping trip to Ohiopyle state park in Pennsylvania. We thought it would be a good idea to take a bike ride on the “Rails to Trails” path along the river. Heather, along with Monica and Amanda, were on two-wheelers in front of the family. Brian hung back with Anthony, who was still using training wheels. Dominic was in a seat on the back of Brian’s bike.

When we started out, Brian advised the children to stay to the right of the path because the left side dropped off steeply to the river. Brian explained the danger and said that he did not want any trips to the hospital or worse. If they fell in the river it could be very dangerous and they might die.

The crown of the trail made it difficult for Anthony to stay to the right. Brian attempted to stay on his left and keep him from the edge. Anthony, being strong willed and independent, did not want this interference, so Brian backed off. At some point, Anthony was heading towards the edge, and Brian was trying to get to him to assist him while giving instructions to “pedal backwards” to apply the brakes. Anthony successfully stopped right at the edge. Brian advised him to just be still and was attempting to dismount his own bike without disrupting Dominic too much. Anthony, taking matters into his own hands, took his feet off the pedals and was attempting to push himself back from the edge when gravity took over. He rolled right off the edge.

Poor Dominic, who was sleeping in his seat, was rudely awakened when Brian dropped the bike and jumped over the edge. At that the exact moment, Heather and the other two girls had stopped and turned around to see what was happening. More screaming and crying ensued. Providentially, there was undergrowth where Anthony went over and a not-too-steep hill covered with decades of fallen and composted leaves. Anthony was about 40 feet down the hill when Brian got to him. He cried, “My shoe!” Brian found the shoe. “My bike!” Brian showed him his bike was fine. The two climbed the hill and our family, startled, but uninjured, returned to camp.

That night at dinner, Brian asked Anthony what he was thinking about when he was falling. Anthony’s answer: “Can’t hit the water! Dad told me not to.” That was one of the scariest events in my (Brian) life at the time. But now we just laugh at Anthony’s response to the whole thing.

We all have these types of stories. Our children reflect us, their parents; they are made from our DNA. They daily witness our attitudes, words, and behaviors.

As parents, our job is to make sure that they are also reflecting our Heavenly Father, that they are being conformed to the image of Christ. Modeling our behavior and words is not going to accomplish this. We too must flee to the cross; we too must be transformed so that what our children reflect is Christ and so they bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

We cannot will this transformation. There is no magic formula for us to follow. But there are things that we are called to do.

First, we need to repent of our sin. We are sinners who must confess our sin and repent daily. In regard to family relationships, have your children witnessed a harsh exchange between spouses? Did they also witness the repentance and apology? There was an incident once with one of my sons. I had accused him of something and disciplined him. I found out a day or so later the full story, and that I had wrongly judged and disciplined him. I then went and confessed my sin to him and asked for his forgiveness. We err as parents; we are sinners. We must confess our sins and ask forgiveness from those against whom we sin.

Second, we need to be faithful in spiritual disciplines and attending to the means of grace, reading our Bible, participating in family worship, in prayer, in corporate worship, and in the sacraments. This means that we must read our Bibles daily; we must pray personally with and for our spouse and children. Do your spouse and children witness you reading your Bible? Do you share with them the passages you read and on what you are meditating? Do you share items you learned in devotions? Do you pray before meals? Do you pray with your spouse in the morning or before bed? Do your children witness such things? What is your attitude toward Lord’s Day worship? Are your rushing to leave church because there are other things to do, or is it a blessing, something to which to look forward and to savor?

Third, we need to teach our children the same. We must lead our families in worship. When my children were younger, we would sing several psalms, and we worked through Family Worship Helps to teach them the Westminster Shorter Catechism. The lessons included a Scripture reading and a brief devotional explaining the Scripture and the catechism question.

Today, as the children have grown and have their own schedules, we review and discuss the lessons they covered in various Bible studies they attend. We discuss how their days went and apply Scripture to situations they encountered throughout the day so that they can grow in grace and wisdom. We pray together at meals for things that are concerning them or for their friends or current events. We are to teach and lead our children not only at set times but whenever we rise up or walk along the path (Deut. 6:6-7). Then if the Lord wills and is gracious, the Holy Spirit will begin and complete the work of conforming our children to His image. The process starts with us as parents.

We have been blessed that Monica, Amanda, and Anthony have professed faith and joined the church. We can see evidence of Christ’s work in their lives. Dominic, Clara, and Julia also exhibit God’s grace in their lives and have an interest in joining the church. All, by God’s grace, proclaim Christ as Savior and Lord. We continue to pray for each other, their children, and as of the writing of this article, an expected grandchild. Monica has been blessed with marrying a godly young man (Joe) she met on a mission trip. They have begun their family, and, like all of us, will have to depend on the Lord’s grace in each of their lives, so that they are conformed to His image (2 Cor. 3:18). That way our covenant children will reflect more of their heavenly Father and less of their earthly parents’ sinful image, as we put the old man to death more and more each day (Col. 3:5-10). Covenant children will produce a marred reflection of the Creator as their parents do, but we have hope. We can flee to the cross and rest in Him who has died for our sins and who will conform us, each one, to His image.

Brian and Heather Panichelle are in their 23rd year of marriage. They have been blessed with six children and one grandchild. They are members of Manchester (New Ken­sington, Pa.) RPC. Brian is a ruling elder, owns a Nationwide Insurance Agency, and is a business consultant. Heather homeschools the children, manages the house, supports her husband and children in their various pursuits, and is an independent distributor for Young Living Essential Oils. Brian and Heather met at Geneva College. This article is based on a chapter Brian contributed for the new book Godly Men Make Godly Fathers (Motivation Champs Publishing).