As our oldest child arrived at the age where some of his peers were talking about having boyfriends or girlfriends, our homeschool group had a presentation by a married couple who had never dated anyone; instead they had courted prior to their marriage. Both they and their parents spoke highly of the entire process.

Around that time, the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris was causing a stir as well as some controversy; yet we couldn’t help but notice that the book called attention to some wise old traditions correlating to biblical principles.

Researching the topic a bit more, we decided it would be wise for our family to read together the sequel by Josh Harris, entitled Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship. With chapters on topics such as, “A Return to Purposeful Romance,” “How God Guides You to the Right Thing At the Right Time,” and “How to Be Passionately in Love and Sexually Pure,” we knew this book would have no shortage of relevance for our teenagers. We made it clear to them that we weren’t using the book as a subtle attempt to demand they follow one author’s courtship model.

As parents we still had things to learn ourselves—and that was part of what drove us to research this issue together. We told our children there were things about our dating experiences that we could not recommend they follow. The models that are considered standard in much of the Christian church, a sort of sanitized version of the world’s standard, are lacking in some key areas. We feel we would have benefited greatly had we felt less pressure to date and more encouragement to be friends with the opposite sex—to spend time in groups rather than trying to pair off as couples. The pairing off of immature youth can be anything from painful to damaging, and it leaves out those who can’t easily find a date. It tends to affirm surface attractions rather than reveal true character—and build good character.

At the Christian school our children now attend, it’s obvious that current Christian opinions about dating result in a wide gamut of dating practices. And, as the number of Christian adults who are single grows, we’re also seeing a wide variety of dating practices there too. As the very concepts of chastity and marriage face attacks in our society, Christians themselves can fall to the temptations and lose their way.

I’ll never forget an account I read from a Christian who testified that her dating relationships, many of which became physical, had gradually “thinned her soul.”

The purpose of this issue—as you’ll recognize by some contrasting viewpoints of the authors—is not to prescribe what is ideal in each particular situation. The purpose is to help you and those around you avoid the thinning of your soul. It is to remind you that there is a better way of finding and building a relationship with a future mate. And it is to say that those who have set out on the wrong road can change course and come to know that they have truly found their way.

—Drew Gordon