What are some of the unique blessings and challenges of parenting young kids?

Young children are both cute and funny. They mispronounce words and have silly expressions—joys that never get old and help keep us persevering and thankful as parents. It is a unique blessing to see young children mature, both physically and spiritually. These years are blessings to be treasured because they do not last long.

At the same time, young kids are immature. They can be annoying. They cannot be reasoned with. They do not know why they do what they do. They are stubborn, prideful, and usually fall into the sin patterns of their parents.

How would you define a biblical view of parenting?

Since Christian parents are often instruments God uses to save covenant children, it is tempting to think that being a Christian parent means it is your job to ensure the salvation of your child. However, salvation belongs to the Lord, Scripture says. No matter how hard we try, only He can give our covenant children eternal life.

Nevertheless, we are to be faithful servants of God in the tasks He has given, leaving the results to Him. As the Apostle Paul says in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (ESV). God gives us this command because He delights to use the efforts of Christian parents in bringing children to Himself, but ultimately He is the Savior. If we have been faithful, we have successfully fulfilled the biblical call of parenting.

How do you approach raising young kids in the instruction of the Lord?

We participate actively in our local church, including worship, Sabbath school, and the Scripture memory program. We also believe Christian education is part of our responsibility as parents, and our oldest attends a Christian school in town. At home, we try to consistently have a daily time of family worship, but we also use every opportunity to bring scriptural truths to bear in the lives of the kids. Often this is in the context of correction and discipline, but it also happens occasionally before bedtime, during times of deep or intense emotion, or in significant events.

What is your current practice of family worship?

We usually begin with catechism review from the First Catechism. Each child is rewarded for answering 3-5 questions, and we try to have them learn at least one new question per week.

Catechism is followed by Bible reading, or another Bible devotional tool. Things we have enjoyed include: Big Truths for Little Kids and Cassie and Caleb: Discover God’s Wonderful Design by Susan and Ritchie Hunt; How God Changes People and 365 Great Bible Stories by Carine Mackenzie; The Biggest Story by Kevin DeYoung; and Leading Little Ones to God by Marian Schoolland.

After Bible reading, we have a time of prayer and then conclude by singing a psalm or two. Each month we memorize a particular psalm and then also enjoy singing some of our favorites, like Psalm 117B.

What means and methods of discipline do you employ?

We try to correct the sin and talk about what the appropriate behavior would have been (sometimes practicing it afterward). We call the child to repentance for the sin, recognizing that the sin is not ultimately against us as parents or against a sibling, but against God. We have transitioned from disciplining a very young toddler with swats on the back of the hand to spanking on the bottom around 18 months or 2 years. Other consequences we have found helpful with our oldest include copying a relevant passage of Scripture and reading it back, taking away screen time or time with pets, or earlier bedtimes.

How do you focus on your child’s heart in discipline, rather than just his behavior?

1) Ask questions. It has been helpful for us to focus on asking questions rather than just talking at the kids. It is tempting to take their sin personally and, out of anger or embarrassment, to speak harshly with them about their behavior. We have seen, time and time again in our own parenting, that this leads kids to resentment rather than to repentance (which is ultimately to the Lord). Instead, we want to speak gently and ask them questions that help them see what their attitudes or motives were in any situation. This way they might see their sin and self-centeredness and be receptive to the correction we give.

2) Use Scripture. The Bible is sharper than any two-edged sword and discerns the thoughts and intents of the heart. We want our kids to know that God is the ultimate authority and we are acting on His behalf. This means identifying their sin and idolatry using scriptural definitions and examples. It has been helpful for us to study Scripture and come up with a list of verses to use for commonly committed sins so that in the moment we are not searching for the biblical basis for our instruction.

What are some tips for being consistent in instruction and discipline?

It is so easy to become inconsistent in these areas. The busyness of life and the laziness of man constantly fight against us. We have found it helpful to hold each other accountable. When one parent notices the other starting to slacken, a loving encouragement to keep pressing on is sometimes all that is needed.

It is also helpful to approach each day/event/meal/worship service with the expectation that issues will arise. We would love a day without having to discipline a child, but if we start to expect that, we tend to get lazy. Instead, expect your child to sin and prepare yourself. Pray for grace before the day begins and remind yourself of the importance of discipline in your child’s life.

What is your approach to helping young kids be involved in the life and ministry of the local church?

If you want your kids to be involved, then you need to be involved. As Puritan George Swinnock once said, “Precepts teach, but examples draw.” In other words, there is great power in a good example.

This is especially important when you have young kids. The temptation will be to diminish your service and involvement in the church due to their demands; however, this can actually serve to teach them that other things are more important than the Lord and His Church.

How do you train young kids to participate in public worship?

Help and encourage them. This often means you are not able to worship as you would like, but it is worth it. When your kids can read, train them to sing from the psalter. Give them tools to help them profit from the service. For example, our church creates a helpful note-taking booklet for the kids. In it, they check off when each psalm is sung, copy a passage of Scripture, and draw a picture of something related to the sermon. Family worship can also help establish a routine of sitting quietly and attentively.

What do you wish you knew when you first became a parent?

Parenting is a marathon. It is one day at a time, putting one building block on top of another.

We wish we knew how hard it would be to not take our kids’ sin personally. This is an area where we especially need God’s grace, because our natural reaction is to take their sin personally, which then usually leads to anger.

We wish we would have known that it matters more who you are than what you say.

What truths from Scripture do you find to be most helpful and encouraging as you parent young kids?

Proverbs 15:1 provides a much-needed reminder: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (NKJV). When it comes to discipline, we are encouraged by Hebrews 12:11, which says “No chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (NKJV). Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:14 that our kids are holy. This encourages us because it means they have a special standing before God and a place in His covenant community. Most of all, we are strengthened by Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:14: “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (NKJV). Our gracious Savior desires us to bring our kids to Him, because He delights in saving them.