Recently my wife and I sat at our dining room table enjoying a dessert of “It’ll Kill Ya Pie,” discussing with a young urban pastor and his wife their marriage, their parenting, and their ministry. It was a delightful evening spent with a delightful couple. I like to say that, by our age, Ann and I have lots of experience; hopefully that experience has also led us to at least a little bit of wisdom. We are certainly no Aquila and Priscilla, but we know the importance of coaching and encouraging those younger in the faith.

The evening with the urban pastor and his wife brought to mind a ministry with which I am involved in another culture where the growing church is comprised mostly of first-generation Christians. The members of the presbyteries know their theology fairly well; but when it comes to applying their theology in daily life, they desperately need help. It is one thing for us to teach systematic theology and biblical studies in intensive courses. It is a very different thing to help those who haven’t seen the practical outworking of Christian life modeled for them.

The last time I was with these brothers, a faithful pastor and esteemed leader said to a man he was talking to, “If you don’t agree (with me), just be gone.” After that event, I pleaded with the pastor and told him that his attitude was not right, and that it certainly cannot foster biblical Presbyterianism, which is the goal right now in that country. It is never “my way or the highway” in the church of Jesus Christ. It is trusting in the wisdom of the session or presbytery or Synod to make decisions in constituted court that will be better decisions than any one person can make.

This kind of wisdom is not learned in the classroom. It is gained through the modeling, mentoring, and discipling of those around you. And it is gained, in part, so that you can be a model and a mentor to others.

Imagine if the church in the West had no one that had been raised in Christian homes. No examples of Christian parenting; no examples of the selfless, sacrificial love of husbands for their wives; no examples of biblical love and submission of wives to their husbands; no examples of biblical problem-solving; and no examples of peacemaking and biblical reconciliation. Such a situation would lead to gross abuses in the family and in the church unless we had someone to come alongside and help us.

In Titus 2, Paul instructs his pastor-friend to teach what accords to sound doctrine. To be sure, Titus was to teach sound doctrine (Titus 1:9), but he was also to teach what accords to sound doctrine, or what is fitting for sound doctrine. The context makes clear that what accords with sound doctrine is a sanctified, reverent, godly love and wisdom. Even the best of classrooms can’t teach these things.

In 2 Timothy 3:10, Paul says that Timothy had followed his teaching, his conduct, his aim in life, his faith, his patience, his love, his steadfastness, his persecutions, and the sufferings that happened to him. Which one of these had happened in a classroom? Timothy had learned biblical doctrine through Paul’s preaching and/or a classroom setting, but what other things mentioned in 2 Timothy 3:10 were taught from the pulpit or in the classroom? Conduct, aim in life, faith, patience, love, steadfastness, persecutions, suffering—these things need real life experiences and “with Him” discipleship.

The term “with Him” discipleship is taken from Mark 3:14. Jesus chose the Twelve to be “with Him.” In so doing, He embarked on what could be considered a three-year apprenticeship program with the 12 apostles. Yes, He would send them out on this or that mission; but then He would gather them around Him to give further instruction and to answer their questions. One thinks of the question in Matthew 17 about why the disciples couldn’t cast out demons at one point. Jesus healed the boy and then admonished His disciples for their unbelief. He used that occasion to teach His disciples more about genuine faith.

In 2 Timothy 2:2, the Holy Spirit-­ inspired apostle says to his son in the faith, Timothy, “What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.” Notice the multiplication anticipated. Paul (first generation) instructed Timothy (second generation). Timothy would tell “faithful men” (third generation), who would be able to teach “others” (fourth generation). That is the multiplication principle that is necessary in the church of Jesus Christ today.

There is a proverb that most of us have heard that says if you give a man a fish, you will feed him for a day; but if you teach a man how to fish, you will feed him for a lifetime. Paul takes this principle for addressing physical needs, and in his discussion of training others for spiritual warfare, takes discipleship to yet another level. A friend in ministry says that the point of 2 Timothy 2:2 is to teach others not only to fish for themselves, but also how to train them, in turn, to teach others to fish as well. I agree. If the Lord enables you and me to do that, we can feed an entire village, or even the world! But it will take biblical mentoring for that to happen.

What had Timothy heard from Paul in the presence of many witnesses? We answered that question in looking at 2 Timothy 3:10. He had heard and seen Paul’s doctrine, his conduct, his aim in life; he had seen Paul’s faith and patience and love and steadfastness; he had experienced with Paul the persecutions and sufferings that go with pastoral ministry. Timothy was, indeed, well mentored.

In 1 Thessalonians 2, Paul speaks of his gentleness toward the Thessalonians, like a nursing mother caring for her children. Have you ever watched a godly woman caring for her young children? Such gentleness! Such patience! Such careful instruction! Such protective love! Paul was gentle with the Thessalonians like a nursing mother. He goes on to speak of being affectionately desirous of them, ready to share not only the gospel but his very life with them as well. And how did he live his life among them? In holy, righteous, and blameless conduct. For Paul, it was, “Do as I say, and do as I do.”

The Apostle Paul goes on to say that, like a father with his children, he exhorted, encouraged, and charged them to walk in a manner worthy of God. Notice that Paul summarizes his ministry by referring to the loving care of both a father and a mother within a few verses of each other. What great love Paul had for the church! Love like a father and love like a nursing mother.

One of my pastoral mentors said that you can tell your congregants almost anything if they know you love them; but if your congregation doesn’t know you love them, you can’t tell them much of anything.

Speaking of pastors for a moment, John Calvin, in his catechism published in 1538, says, “Since the Lord willed that both the Word and sacraments be dispensed by human ministry, pastors had to be set over churches both to instruct the people publicly and privately in pure doctrine, to administer the sacraments, and to teach them by the best example concerning holiness and purity of life.” Notice two things from this catechism answer: (1) Pastors are to instruct publicly and privately (an aspect of mentoring), and (2) pastors teach by the best example possible concerning holiness and purity of life. But mentoring is not reserved for ordained elders. Ordained teaching and ruling elders have a special role to play in shepherding God’s flock, to be sure. To them have been given the keys of the kingdom, and clearly they have shepherding responsibilities that are reserved only for them.

But it is equally clear in Scripture that all of us are to have a mentoring role to play in the body of Christ. This often takes place in the family. Parents have a huge role to play in training children in the way they should go. Parenting is a form of mentoring, which has been in place since Adam and Eve conceived children. Even older siblings often have a huge role to play in mentoring younger siblings. Titus 2 makes clear, for example, that older women are to train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their husbands. Older men are to set the example to others of sober-mindedness and related virtues.

Often this training or mentoring needs to be more intentional than it usually is. Does your congregation have opportunities for older women to study with younger women, for older men to study with younger men? As you read this article, can you think of someone younger than you that you might encourage in the faith? Pray boldly for opportunities to mentor others.

Let’s thank the Lord for the mentors we have had and pray that God will give us more opportunities to mentor others. We not only have the Holy Spirit living within us; we not only have God’s Word to direct us; we also have undershepherds and others around us who have experienced life in ways that we have not. Let us build one another up in love and good deeds, from one generation to another, until our Lord’s return.

Jerry O’Neill is president of the Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary. This article is expanded from an article that first appeared in TableTalk magazine.