I am a 54-year-old Christian who is recovering from a life of sin, alcohol, & drug abuse. The reason I am alive today is because God has a purpose for me. As you read this story, I hope you can understand why I feel as if I were a modern-day miracle of God’s abounding love and grace.

My parents divorced when I was very young. My mother, also a recovering alcoholic, told me I had my first drink at the age of three. Because of this, I can’t remember a time in my early life that I didn’t drink. I did and still do like the taste of alcohol, but have now found God’s grace in that battle to be more than sufficient.

While I was still very young, my mom married a wonderful man who treated me like his own, and he adopted me when I was 12. Prior to my adoption, I still loved my biological father and wanted to live with him, and this created turmoil in my family life. At that time, my mom was very angry with my father, and I felt like I was in the middle of their fighting and that I was the only one being hurt. I felt like my mom didn’t want me and that she didn’t want my father to have me either. I was alone, without God and without hope in the world (Eph. 2:12).

In the midst of this conflict, a man who worked with my dad came to live with us. At this time, the abuse started—abuse that in turn led to shame, guilt, and my own sinful behavior. After moving to Alabama and then back again, we ended up living with my mom’s parents. While living there, a family member only a few months older than I began a pattern of abuse toward me that lasted as long as we lived there. It is difficult to relate here the many instances of abuse I suffered by family and friends of the family. I stole cigarettes and alcohol from my parents to attempt to bury the pain, shame, and guilt I felt. I also began to use drugs. I was only about 12. How different my life would have been had I turned to God instead of the drugs and alcohol.

My first encounter with church occurred when I lived with my dad’s parents. My paternal grandparents attended church every Sunday, and they took me with them. Also, I attended vacation Bible school during the summers I spent with them. After another family move, I began to attend a Baptist church. Initially, I went for just three reasons: to get out of the house, to get a free ride, and because we won a bag of popcorn for being new visitors at church. I enjoyed my time with the Baptist churchgoers, so when they asked me to accept Christ into my heart and be baptized, I did so.

Still, I walked away from God during my junior high school years. I pursued and used drugs to dull my pain, so from about the 8th grade until age 27 my memory is a blur. I can remember only bits and pieces of my life, but I recall that I nearly died of alcohol poisoning while in high school. Today, people tell me about events in my life, and the stories differ from how I remember them.

Looking back, I know that God has protected me. Today, I understand the words of Jesus from John 8:12, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life,” and I am very thankful that, even though I didn’t realize it, God had an eternal plan for me and never stopped pursuing me.

I met the father of my oldest son when I was 26, and he introduced me to the drug known as meth. The habits of drug use and other illicit practices followed me into my young adult life, and so did the pattern of abusive relationships. Through a series of failed relationships and marriages I had deep wounds and scars, and I also had my own children. I am so thankful for the forgiveness that Christ gives and the hope that comes with it.

In God’s kindness I eventually met the man to whom I am now married. The first time I laid eyes on him, I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him forever. John came into my life almost 20 years ago, and in God’s kindness, we are still together today. To be honest, I don’t know why he stayed with me. I was an abusive mother—emotionally, mentally, and physically. I knew, as did others, that I was nicer when my husband John was around. Through him, the Lord looked out for my children, and eventually I received help with parenting skills and through family counseling.

A little over six years ago, something happened that almost took him away from me. I had fallen into my old habits and was knee-deep in drugs again. I thought I was smarter than the law and wouldn’t get caught. This time I was wrong. I did get caught and faced the consequences of my sins. Yet, God made this to be the best thing that could have happened to me.

I ended up living in a treatment center for four-and-a-half months, where I met a woman who was on fire for the Lord. She had a peace that passes understanding and a joy about her, and I wanted it. We talked and she told me that it was all God. I started to go to church again. While still in treatment, I was frightened by a dream that seemed so real that I could taste the dope and felt high. I was afraid I was going to get kicked out of the program. I finally had come to realize that I needed God in my life if I was truly going to stay sober. I fell on my knees and begged God to forgive all my sins and to help me. God not only forgave me, but He has and is continuing to change me into the godly woman He wants me to be.

God is restoring relationships that I thought would never be healed again. I now work at that treatment center, telling the story every chance I get about how God saved me and the changes He is continually making in me. God keeps me sober. God gave me the wonderful church family that I now have. God has richly blessed me with a church that doesn’t judge me; they just love me and support me. Thank you, God. I don’t feel like those words convey the feeling that I have for what You have done for me.

I still sin. But now it hurts to know that I hurt the Lord my God when I sin. I want to be a better witness; I want to be a light to others. I want everyone to experience the peace, love, and joy that I feel. If you believe in God, He will change you and your life. You will still go through hard times; they just won’t feel like the end of the world. Look at my life: God still performs miracles.

Author Lynn Rice lives in Wapello, Iowa, with her husband, John. They attend Sharon RPC in Morning Sun, Iowa. Lynn donates materials, time, and the proceeds from kitchen towels to the food pantry in Morning Sun, Iowa.