We eagerly anticipate the birth of our new little one, and when the day finally arrives we feel like it is Christmas. What a wonderful package we have been given! But as the days and weeks go by, we see that this little package brings with it some demands—needs that are expressed loudly and often. Moreover, we see clearly that our sweet baby has inherited his parents’ sinful nature, and we wonder how we are to raise this child. Each stage in the lives of our children brings new challenges that we often feel inadequate to address.

Yet, we are called by God to train our children. When we stand and take our baptismal vows, we promise to provide for them, to teach them to love God and His Word, and to give them a God-centered education. We promise to teach them they are sinners and need a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. We promise to pray for them, train them to read the Bible and to pray, as well as to keep the Lord’s Day and to understand the nature of the church. And we promise to lead them by our example and loving discipline to seek Christ first in all of life.

How do we do these things? We do so in humble reliance on God’s grace, recognizing that our task is not fulfilled in a few days, a year, or five years. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. We need to be prepared for the long haul of training our little ones as we trust in the Lord’s resources. His Word is true; His mercy is great.

As we parent, we must keep four basics in mind.

We Are Called to Teach

#1. To provide this kind of instruction, we must be growing in our understanding of God’s Word. We must study it and meditate upon it with the goal of living it out in our own lives. The example of Ezra the scribe is worthy to be followed by parents. “Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the Lord and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel” (Ezra 7:10).

God also commands us to teach His word diligently in Deuteronomy 6:7. “Teach” here means to whet or sharpen. It is the idea of sharpening a sword so that it is ready for battle. We are to teach our children the Word of the Lord diligently, so that they will be sharpened and ready to do battle for the Lord.

Instruction in God’s Word should be a central theme in our homes. It isn’t something relegated to Sabbath school only, or weekly worship services, although these are important. As parents we must teach our children when we are sitting in our homes, when we are going from place to place, when we lie down, and when we rise up.

Be intentional about this. Family worship is one way to provide godly instruction. It needs to be a part of our daily schedule. Find a time that works for your family, typically in the morning or evening (maybe both). It is easy for family worship to be crowded out, but this practice is necessary in order to sharpen children for serving the Lord.

Talk about God’s Word during the daily circumstances of life. This doesn’t mean we are to give our children a sermon 24 hours a day. It means that we will be alert to give instruction from God’s Word at appropriate points throughout the day. Acknowledge the beauty of God’s creation; rejoice in His provisions; apply His Word to situations you and your children face.

To do this, we need to spend time with our children. It is easy for school, sports, work, or our own hobbies to crowd out time with our children altogether. We need to make sure that we are guarding time with our children, and that we are using that time effectively to teach them.

One way Satan destroys homes is by tempting us to give in to complacency and neglect in the area of Bible instruction. If our children grow up ignorant of God’s Word, we have failed our children and placed them in serious peril. It is the Word taught that God uses to lead our children to salvation and to service in His kingdom. By God’s grace, that Word is passed on from generation to generation (Ps. 78:5-7). None of us can do this perfectly, but God is able to sustain us in this critical task. We must seek His strength and wisdom. When we falter, we must confess our failures and set a new course, replacing sinful habits with godly patterns of instruction.

We Are Called to Model

#2. It is easy to miss the importance of our own example, but our children are watching us. For example, haven’t you seen your small children playing dress-up games with Mom’s and Dad’s clothes or mimicking your jobs—wearing your shoes, mowing grass, building, playing house? The old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” carries little weight with our children. They are watching what we do. We can teach until we are blue in the face, but if we are not living out our own instruction, our children will soon see through the façade and disregard our teaching.

Children tend to grow to be like their parents. If they see us pretending to be something we are not, they will most likely become hypocrites as well. However, by God’s grace, as we learn and live out His law, our children will also come to live out His Word in their lives. They should see our love for God in our attitudes toward things such as work, worship, service in the church, money, and authority. They listen to how we pray; they watch us as we talk and relate to others.

Our lives are lived out before our children, who are studying and duplicating our attitudes and actions. Hebrews 13:7 reminds us of the importance of faithful models. “Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.” As the Spirit of Christ works in us, we must faithfully model Christ to our children, so that we can say as Paul said, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1).

We Are Called to Discipline

#3. Discipline is difficult, but necessary. For example, we don’t like to spank our children. It is unpleasant, but it is God’s command and therefore necessary. Biblical discipline is an expression of parental love. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” This is also God’s example to us. Hebrews 12:6 states, “For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines.”

The first lesson we must teach our child is that he is a person under God’s authority. Parents bear that authority in the home. When the child disobeys, he is rejecting that authority and choosing his own way, which leads to death. Used rightly, the rod humbles the child, so that he is open to parental instruction. If we allow our children to sin without correction, we are telling them that sin has little or no consequence, and we are indicating that it will not lead to destruction. But Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death.”

We must be careful not to fall into the trap of trying to keep the peace in the home through appeasement. Parents can give in to such an extent that no boundaries are left. Children need to learn that they are under God’s authority, and that parents bear that authority as God’s representatives in the home.

But to effectively discipline, we must begin with a clear understanding of what obedience is. Tedd Tripp gives a useful and concise definition in his book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart. Obedience is doing what the child is told without challenge, without excuse, and without delay. Of course, there needs to be an opportunity for a respectful appeal. But we have the goal. When children fail to respond in this way, we need to apply discipline.

Discipline needs to be carried out in a loving manner. We do not have a parental right to express unbridled anger, or to strike our children whenever we wish to vent our frustration. Discipline is to be carried out with care and love, deliberately and appropriately. In his book Christian Living in the Home, Jay Adams describes two ways parents provoke their children to anger. This occurs through underdiscipline, when rules are broken or made after the fact and discipline is not applied consistently, or by overdiscipline, when authority is flaunted and the parent makes foolish rules or tries to enforce too many rules.

Discipline, then, must be based on Scripture, carefully and consistently applied, and carried out in love. Ephesians 6:4 exhorts, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

We Are Called to Pray

#4. How do we have the strength to fulfill our calling? How do we overcome our own sin, even as we address the sinful tendencies in our children? We cry out to our heavenly Father! Psalm 145:18 says, “The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.” He has adopted us and made us His sons and daughters. He loves us with an everlasting love. Our Father urges us to call upon Him in prayer, and we are to pray according to His will (1 John 5:14). We know God’s will by reading and meditating upon His Word. Our prayers for our children must be Bible-rooted. And we must pray with persistence. Don’t give up if you don’t receive an immediate answer. Our Father wants us to pray at all times and not to lose heart (Luke 18:1).

Make prayer a centerpiece in your home. Don’t be afraid to let your children see you praying in your personal devotions. Pray with your spouse. Pray as a family before meals, in family worship, for special needs, and in response to God’s blessings. Realize that prayer takes work. It is a spiritual discipline that must be cultivated.

If prayer in your home hasn’t been a consistent practice, start slowly and simply. James 5:16 encourages us that “the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much!” And remember that the ultimate goal of our praying is the glory of God and of our Lord Jesus Christ.

These are the basics. Your responsibilities might seem overwhelming from a human perspective, but remember, God’s grace is abundant! Ephesians 3:20 says, “[He] is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.” As we rely upon Him, He will enable us to fulfill our calling as parents.