Where and how did each of you meet your husbands?

Jean: My parents were godly people who worked hard on a farm. My father always said he wanted my sister and I to go to college so we wouldn’t have to do the same. My sister and I both ended up coming to Geneva College in Beaver Falls, Pa., which was a thousand miles from home. I met Willard there and we were married between our sophomore and junior years of college. People doubted that I would be able to finish school after that, but the Lord helped me through it. We had some wonderful times there, and Willard went into the service immediately after college.

Shirley: My father had remarried when I was in high school, and I spent one summer with him and his wife, who invited me to live with them and attend Geneva College. Willard had been in the Navy, as most of the young fellows were then, and he came to Geneva for our last year of school. The first time he asked me out, we went to a football game and had dinner together. I remember getting home and thinking “Wow, what a nice evening!” So it took off from there.

What was it initially like to become a widow—to have the one you love and had children with pass away? What is it like now?

Shirley: Willard was sick a long time with cancer, and it would come and go. He would have six months where he felt pretty good, and he taught a lot of that time at the college. He had cancer several years while going to the college. Then he became a minister at our church, First RP of Beaver Falls, but eventually he became much too ill. I remember the doctor telling me that my husband was going to have a hard death, and I was dreading that. However, Willard had a very comfortable homegoing, which helped a great deal. I knew he needed to go on to be with his Lord because he was just so sick and he needed healing.

Most of our children were home the night he passed away. He passed away with all of us around him, and I went up to the dining room table and just sort of sat there by myself, and the children could understand that I needed to be by myself. I don’t know how long I was there. I wasn’t crying, I was just thinking “Lord, here we are. But you’ll be with me.” I was almost pleading with Him to help me through this, and He was.

So then [Jean and I] entered into widowhood. But you can survive, and you can survive nicely. A little bit further on, I thought, “I need something.” I asked around to see if anyone would be interested in having a Bible study, and I opened my house to this. We had some people from College Hill Church and some people from our own church. Every week I looked forward to that Bible study. It was a challenging one and it was led by Floy Smith, so that was a great help. You sort of do what you have to do, pick up and go on; but what you miss is the fellowship—the end of the day when you sit and you talk together, maybe go over the day’s activities. I miss that a lot.

Jean: For me, Willard had been sick for 13 years, and he had been gradually getting weaker. There had been lots of the family in and out because it was Synod time. Afterwards, it was a real letdown because all the family had been in. I think the Lord had prepared me for being alone because he’d been sick so long that I knew—I felt—that eventually the Lord would take him, but it came rather sudden at the end.

The Lord gave grace. It was wonderful to have so many of the family around to talk to, and the thing that helped me a lot was that there were grandchildren [Evie and Paul Hemphill] who wanted to stay with me through college. That was a real bridge that helped me, so I was never alone.

Now, one of the things that we miss most is having a confidante, somebody that you can talk to about anything you want to talk about… You know that you can say anything you feel in your heart and know that it’s not going to be talked about to anyone else. I think that that’s probably one of the things we miss as much as anything, and that’s why having a friend like Shirley means a lot to me, because we kind of fill in that emptiness that we miss when our partner is gone.

What can people do to help those who are mourning?

Shirley: To really understand that they’re hurting. It is a good thing you’re doing because—although it seems artificial—you’re acknowledging that they’ve had a severe loss, and you’re coming to say “I care about you.” Even just going to be there and to express your sympathy is a help.

Jean: I think just having people coming and expressing their concern for you, just knowing that people care. You don’t have to say much. If you’re close to a person and can share some memory that you have of the person they’ve lost, that is helpful sometimes. It’s that week or two after everybody goes home that the person needs other people, because then we all get busy and you kind of forget the person who’s left at home… People are important to me, so having them around was a definite help. Seeing other people’s needs and helping other people so you can forget about your own self and needs is also a big help.

Shirley: That’s probably why I started Bible study. I really wanted something that would happen once a week at least where I would see my friends. You don’t usually have intimate conversations, but it catches you up in other people’s problems so that maybe you can be helpful to them in some way. You need people.

What was it like moving from your house into the RP Home?

Jean: The house needed repair and I was feeling the limitations of driving. I had always assumed that I would come to the Home if the Lord allowed me to live any length of time, and I decided it was better to make the move while I could do it myself. It really was not a difficult transition. I could move into the apartment and still be independent, and I was feeling good at that time so I was able to take care of myself. It’s been eight-and-a-half years. I’ve been very content and happy here. The Lord has been good to me.

Shirley: Well, I enjoyed the house up on Patterson Heights, but after Willard’s death I started thinking “I shouldn’t have all this; it’s too much.” There were also some apartments near the church, and that was pretty neat since I could walk to church and see my friends there and my other friends who were living close. I was there for about two years, and eventually I decided to try the Home. I wasn’t looking forward to it as much as Jean, but I thought, Let’s see what happens, and went for it. I like my little apartment, and of course the fact that Jean lives across the hall is a great plus… Sometimes I’d like to get away, understandably I think, but it’s good here.

How have you grown in Christ since moving to the RP Home?

Shirley: One thing we do here that has been a great help to me is a Bible study every Thursday. The night before, Ken Smith prepares questions which he gives to us before we go to prayer meeting. The next day we just talk about those questions. The contact with the Lord through the Scripture, through talking to others, can be so uplifting, and it pulls me out of the depression I sink into when I’m not around people… To me, it’s so much better than living alone. I sure value my own space, but it’s important to be able to go out and have conversations with people. Of course we have Ken Smith, so we have our own minister.

Jean: I thoroughly enjoy that sort of thing. It’s stimulating. We need something like that, and I’m thankful for that and for the Wednesday night prayer meeting.…There are people here all the time who need encouragement, that challenge us to give them a word of encouragement.

Do either of you have life verses?

Jean: One that I keep saying over lots of times is, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man cometh unto the Father, but by me” (John 14:6).

Shirley: I get up in the morning and say, “This is the day the Lord has made, let us be glad and rejoice!” (Ps. 118:24). It gets me going—plus a cup of coffee. I’m very earthbound.

Jean Hemphill and Shirley McMillan are residents of the Reformed Presbyterian Home who have lived across from one another for over four years. They are bursting with life and laughter. If you didn’t know better, you would think they were college students sharing a dorm. They are best friends, confidantes, and widows whose husbands were both named Willard. Since the loss of their life partners, Jean and Shirley have remained active witnesses for Christ in the Home by sharing the gospel with their fellow residents and visiting the sick. These women share with us how they have continued to trust in God’s love and faithfulness even through the incredibly difficult experience of widowhood.

In every new stage of life, you lose something and you gain something. At this point, what are you losing and what are you gaining?

Shirley: Simply losing the ability to memorize and think… for example, we can’t remember names and it drives us nuts. But I’ve gained more assurance that the Lord is there, and this isn’t all just something that a book says. This is the Word of God. Even though I can begin to feel down when I’m all by myself for a long time, I’m always amazed at how the Lord helps me to snap out of it. I can go to Him and ask for help, remember some of the verses or pick up a Bible and read them, and I feel restored again.

Jean: I’m aware that I’m losing two things: my ability to think things through real well, and my ability to get around well because of my sight. What am I gaining? I think I’m gaining a greater peace of mind, of my assurance of salvation. There’s something about it that still I don’t really know for sure—absolutely sure, and yet I read again in the Scripture and I know that I’m trusting in the Lord, and so my assurance of salvation is becoming stronger.