Bloop. A new instant message window pops up on my screen: “What is there for a snack?”

“Milk,” I type back, “but hold off on the chips. Supper will be ready soon.”

“ OK.”

I am not at the office. My teen is in the next room. We are both on computers and don’t want to leave our workspace, or worse yet, to yell. Sometimes our digital family life borders on the ridiculous.

The internet has changed how our family receives and channels information. Research, news, family updates, creative outlets, business communications, sermon sharing, and personal messages all are available instantly with a click of our index fingers.

The internet is a tool that is used for much good. Like any power tool, however, it must be used with care. Safety measures in cyberspace, however, can seem complex. A simple, safety-goggles type fix will provide little protection.

Internet dangers for our kids include misusing their time, encountering immoral content, becoming too sedentary, or falling prey to a bully or sexual predator.

What is a family to do, short of banning the internet? Our family has chosen to embrace the technology but to be proactive about internet safety. The following are keys to internet safety that have been valuable to us.

1. Location

Where your computer is located can promote healthy habits for your kids—and adults too! When computer screens face public thoroughfares in the house, users are less likely to be tempted to venture into forbidden territory. Avoid placing computers in private bedrooms and offices, or any room with a door. House rules for internet use can be posted on or near the monitor.

2. Boundaries

Parents who talk openly with their children about what is acceptable and unacceptable internet use will have benchmarks with which to measure behavior. Depending on a child’s age, boundaries will change. You may not want your young children to receive instant messages or have their own email account, but as they get older you may allow them to have a limited “buddy list” or their own email address.

Some boundaries, though, like making Myspace (a popular social networking site) pages that are limited to “friends” only, can backfire. Limited access means that the parents of your children’s friends can’t access the information either.

You need to read your kids’ online pages, because the rest of the world is. Likewise, other parents need to be able to read your kids’ sites if their children are commenting and interacting there. Sometimes this will mean that parents need to ask to be on the buddy list of their kids and their friends’ kids—awkward, perhaps, but healthy.

3. Street Smarts

Internet thieves and creeps are real, and some are targeting “nice” kids. When your kids are old enough to have their own blog (most sites require that they be at least 13), counsel them not to post their full names, birthdates, and email or street addresses on the web. Protect the identities of their friends, too. Teach your kids to refer to other friends by their blog names, for instance—“Hey, sodapop86, that was a funny joke! I went to yellowdog’s house today.”

We have chosen to post pictures of our kids and let them do the same, but this must be done with street smarts, too. Avoid using full names with pictures. Don’t post an image that could easily be misused by someone practicing degenerate behavior. Recently, a woman who has a Xanga blog saw a picture of one her toddlers on someone else’s web site. Someone had copied it from her site and was using it in an inappropriate way.

Another street-smart tip is to have an extra email address. Have your family always use this address when they sign up for things, such as newspaper services or research sites. Often when you use your personal email address to sign up for the services of even legitimate sites, you will begin to see an increase in junk emails— some of them unsavory. By using the special address, more of the resulting junk will be directed there. It is important for an adult to check that email box from time to time. Just remember not to use the special address for things like your book club, which will require prompt attention.

Overall, make sure your kids understand that the internet is a very public place. It is not a venue for telling your secrets, complaining about a teacher, or bickering with others. It is alarming how many teens do not understand this. The Christian community is no exception.

4. Conversations

Talking about the dangers of the internet will heighten your child’s sensitivities to them. Recently, a Christian teenage boy that we know was sent inappropriate pictures and suggestive material from someone he had met through his church. He didn’t tell his parents right away because he didn’t want to make a big deal out of “nothing” and maybe lose a friend. By the time he realized that the other person had a serious problem, he was feeling guilty, embarrassed, and paralyzed.

Kids need to know that “bad guys” are not always strangers. Sometimes predators go to church. Sometimes online they masquerade as children. Sometimes they are someone who knows the child’s parents. Often predators will try to build a shared secret out of something embarrassing so that the child will be reticent to tell an adult. It is shockingly common for predators to send an inappropriate photo of themselves or a link to a photo or website of prurient interest.

Kids, especially Christian kids, may feel they have done something wrong just by receiving such information. Talk about these things ahead of time. In words that are appropriate for the age and understanding of your child, let them know what to look for that could be dangerous. Let your kids know that if they tell you something, you will not overreact or be mad at them.

Last, emphasize that sharing information with an adult can save other kids from danger, too.

5. Parental Controls

There are many tools to help you monitor and curb your children’s internet activity. Some email programs allow you to choose that only emails from the recipient’s address book will be allowed through to the user. Some web programs allow you to restrict web activity. Whatever options you choose, take into consideration other computers your child may be using, including at school or the library.

You can buy software or subscribe to web services to help you with accountability. NetNanny software, for instance, costs about $40 and can help protect users from viewing adult websites and tricky pop-up screens. Years ago, one of my children typed a seemingly innocent website address and ended up on a nasty site. My child was in a public place and was horrified that with every click on the “close” button another equally nasty page “popped up”—a danger that we avoided at home for years since our web browser allows us to block pop-ups.

Sometimes using web filtering software is frustrating because it filters out good content, too. A program that we like for teenagers and adults is called Spector. Spector records keystrokes, emails, and chats, and periodically takes snapshots of the screen. Very sophisticated and thorough, the software is more expensive, about $70 ($100 for the deluxe version). The software monitors not only where the user goes on the web, but what he or she does there. Because Spector does not filter what comes to your child’s computer, though, it should only be used in homes that have filtering software in place or where children are old enough to know how to avoid common dangers.

I do not recommend this software for “spying” on your kids. Rather, tell them upfront that there is monitoring software installed for accountability’s sake. Tell your kids it will be checked regularly, but that you do not plan to read their mail or snoop. Your purpose is to hold them to the boundaries that you have set as a parent, not to eavesdrop on daily conversations. You want them to be partners in fighting against evil, and teach them to make good decisions on their own.

6. Involvement

Even though we are not to be eavesdroppers, it is good to join in public discourse. This is different than reading someone’s mail. Much of the web community is, in a sense, an extension of our living rooms. Many of the interactions that we have on the web are conversations that, in the past, we would have had with guests in our home.

With what is commonly called the Web 2.0 phenomenon, the trend is for websites to offer public interactivity— places for users to post reviews, offer feedback, talk in a chat room, or vote for something. For better or worse (or both), online communities are now as important as geographical communities. As you would interact with your kids’ friends in your home, take initiative to interact with your kids’ communities online.

My husband and I both have blogs (online journals) on the same site that our kids do. We try to encourage them to dialogue with family and friends; and, occasionally, we post on their friends’ blogs, especially when their friends begin a conversation with us. Our kids are involved in different public web forums, and we try to take an interest. If their friends offer a web link on their blog, we click on it and join the discussion about it. These things take time, but can be valuable.

Another way to be involved is simply to have your kids show you what they can do online. You will learn more about their computer habits and create an opportunity to talk about safe online practices.

7. Parental Education

Sometimes a chat message between you and your kids may look like this:

Me: Did you clean your room?

Kid: rofl

Me: Can you do it soon?

Kid: np

Me: Thanks.

Kid: yw, ttyl

Messaging has become an art of efficiency. People talk in acronyms and abbreviations. In the above example, rofl stands for “rolling on the floor laughing,” np is “no problem,” and yw, ttyl is “you’re welcome, talk to you later.”

Type “chat abbreviations and acronyms” into the Google search engine and you will find places that list common jargon for messaging. Beware: You may find abbreviations for things that you don’t want to ever say!

This is just one example of how to educate yourself as a parent. The bottom line is to be internet literate enough that you can talk with your kids about the internet and shepherd their internet activity.

8. Modeling

Another way to help your kids with internet safety is to be a good example. Keep your own computer out in the open. Use street smarts yourself. Install accountability software on your own desktop that your spouse or discipleship partner can check.

At dinner, occasionally discuss good email etiquette and how you’ve dealt with rude, suspicious, or inappropriate emails.

Your family’s use of the internet can be a fruitful part of kingdom building. How you use this tool is critical. Basic Christian precepts about communication apply. “Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one” (Col. 4: 5-6).

Parental Controls

www.wisechoice.net

Customizable internet filter, parental control, accountability reporting; $5 per month subscription

www.child-internet-safety.com

List of top 10 filters for the internet

www.k9webprotection.com free web filter for PC (Mac version later this year)

www.cybersitter.com

Monitoring software for Mac and PC, $39.95

www.spector.com

Monitoring and oversight software for Mac and PC, $69.95 and up

www.fbi.gov Internet safety tips for kids; how to report internet crime

www.christianteens.about.com/od/ advice/tp/internetsafety.htm

Guidelines for teens

www.focusonyourchild.com/hottopics/A0001282.cfm

Various Focus on the Family resources for online safety

www.netsmartz.org

Resources for making the internet safe for all ages, including educational videos and printable guides

www.cybertipline.com

A place to report inappropriate or suspicious internet activity against minors

Partial List of Chat Abbreviations and Symbols

143 - I Love You 411 - Info

A/S/L/P - Age/Sex/Location/Picture

BRB - Be Right Back

CMIW - Correct Me if I’m Wrong

CMU - Crack Me Up

CRBT - Crying Real Big Tears

DKDC - Don’t Know Don’t Care

F2F - Face to Face

FYA - For Your Amusement

IDKY - I Don’t Know You

IHNO - I Have No Opinion

KFY - Kiss for You

L2M - Listening to Music

LOL - Laughing out Loud

NOYB - None of Your Business

OTP - On the Phone

PA - Parent Alert

PANB, PAW, PIR - Parents are Nearby/Watching/in Room

PM - Private message

POS - Parent over Shoulder

RBTL - Read between the Lines

ROFL - Rolling on Floor Laughing

SMEM - Send Me An E-Mail

TTYL - Talk to You Later

VBG - Very Big Grin

WC - Who Cares?

W/E - Whatever

WEG - Wicked Evil Grin

WTG - Way to Go

WTGP - Want to Go Private?

WYRN - What’s Your Real Name?

X-1-10 - Exciting

XME - Excuse Me

ZZ - Sleeping, Bored, Tired

Lynne Gordon is co-editor of the Witness. She is a member of the Covenant Fellowship (Wilkinsburg, Pa.) RPC.