The following is an excerpt from chapter 4 of Dr. George Scipione’s The Battle for the Biblical Family (2018, Crown & Covenant Publications).

How do you learn about God’s grace? Most often, you learn through reading the Bible or hearing it preached, but you also learn through godly people. Lewis and Ruth Grotenhuis were that example for my wife and me as I learned to pastor God’s sheep.

Pastor Grotenhuis founded and pastored Calvary Community Church in Harmony, N.J. For 40 years, he and Mrs. Grotenhuis set a standard of Christian service and hospitality that I have yet to see matched. Lewis is now with the Lord; Ruth continues to bless people with her joy.¹

The Grotenhuises raised seven children. At mealtime, sometimes 20 people sat around their table. Many strangers found food, shelter, and wise counsel in that home. Once they found someone in their basement who had not been there when they had gone to bed; he stayed only six months! Seminary and all the books in the world could not replace this model. From them, my wife, Eileen, and I learned how to serve. The family serves as God’s model of salvation.

The family is both a means and model of redemption. God almost always uses the family to bring redemption to His people. At the same time, He employs it as His living model of that redemption. Consider both.

The Family as an Instrument of Redemption

The Lord uses the family as a means to bring the redemption of the gospel to many. It is God who saves, but He always uses the family to bring His grace to His people. After the fall, God promises the Seed who will save (Gen. 3:15). Even though family life is cursed by God because of sin, His grace triumphs. Imagine Adam and Eve’s pain over Abel’s death at the hand of Cain; imagine their joy at knowing Seth is a continuation of the covenant seed. Fruitfulness now means more than dominion; it means salvation. The family is the instrument of God’s covenantal grace.

Noah finds grace in God’s eyes (Gen. 8:20–9:17). His family—not a tribe, people, or nation—is spared from the flood. He becomes like Adam; to him also God gave the mandate to be fruitful and rule. Imagine watching the animals go back into the wild, seeing the smoke rise from the altar, gazing at your wife, children, and daughters-in-law, and knowing you had a world to subdue. What a family worship service that was! Again we see the family as God’s instrument of covenantal grace.

Abram is called by God and responds. God covenants to make his family great and, through him, to bless all the families of the whole earth (Gen. 12:1–3). God promises to bring both the descendant (Gen. 15:1–21) and many nations out of Abram (Gen. 17:1–8). He changes his name to Abraham to reflect this promise (Gen. 17:1–8) and gives a family sign—circumcision. God’s covenantal promises are not just to an individual but to a family—in fact, to many families. Imagine your excitement and laughter at Isaac’s conception and the honor of having your family bless the whole world. Once again, the family is God’s instrument of covenantal grace.

In the fourth administration of God’s covenant of grace,² the family is still an instrument of salvation. While Israel is a nation, four particulars evidence that the family’s centrality has not changed. First, its leaders are taken from the family elders (Ex. 24:1–11). Second, the national structure is built on 12 family tribes. Third, when God threatens to destroy Israel and start over, He offers Moses the opportunity to be a second Abraham (Ex. 32:10; Num. 14:12). God’s method is to pick a particular family when He wants to reissue His gracious covenant. Imagine the temptation for Moses to accept God’s offer. He could have started from scratch instead of interceding for the people. Finally, God forbids intermarriage with unbelievers, an important Satanic strategy (Deut. 7:1–6). As in the previous administrations, the family remains God’s instrument of covenantal truth and grace.

Imagine you are David sitting before the Lord, talking to Him. You love Him and want to build His temple. He tells you He does not need a house, but He will make a covenant with your family so that you will always have a descendant on the throne. God is going to build you a living house. Yes, you’d be excited, as was David. The family is center stage again.

In the final administration of the covenant, Jesus mediates the new covenant in a family context. Like Seth, Noah, Abraham, and Moses, the second Adam (David’s greatest son, Jesus) comes into a family. Joseph and Mary, a godly stepfather and mother of Davidic descent, are entrusted with His education. The exact influence they had on His human development is hard to estimate, but no doubt it was great. At the cross Jesus takes care to provide for His mother. The new covenant comes by way of a Davidic family.

Clearly the family is a primary instrument of God’s redemp­tion. Not one administration of God’s covenant fails to involve the family. Thus, you need to look with new respect and awe at the family. From start to finish, creation to consummation, the family is a means by which God brings covenantal renewal and growth. The life and death of Christ is in the context of the family. God takes the family seriously and gives it great centrality in the plan of redemption.

The family or household is not only the transmitter of salvation; it is a recipient of Christ’s redemption. Just as individuals can come to God through Christ, so can households. The New Testament phenomenon of whole families coming to Christ is very strange to 21st Century, Western European-influenced Christians. The New Testament data on conversions is not extensive, but household conversions are mentioned as often as individual conversions.³ Rarely, if ever, do modern Christians think of groups of people being the recipients of the covenant of redemption. Yet in the early days of the new covenant, the families and groups were primary targets of evangelism. Only in modern times has the individual become the exclusive target of gospel evangelism. Fragmentation of the family and growth of existential thinking have invaded the church. Ignoring the New Testament approach has hurt evangelism and the unity of the body of Christ. In an age of infidelity, divorce, individualism, and sexual impurity, there must be a focus on the family’s importance to the church and society. Individualism is one more way the world presses the church into its mold.

The Family as the Model of Redemption

However, the family is not just an instrument of redemption; it is also a realistic model or pattern of redemption. By this I mean that the family of husband, wife, and children models the reality of the family of God. This model or metaphor is real because the church is not only like a family, it is the family of God. God causes dead men to be born from above by the Holy Spirit’s power (John 3:3–8); they are given the right to become sons of God (John 1:12, 13). The Holy Spirit, who is the Spirit of adoption, seals men into God’s family and helps them cry out, “Abba, Father” (Rom. 8:12–17). Christians are referred to as the household or family of believers.⁴

The parallel natures of the family and the kingdom of God are seen in Luke 11:11–22. In two different settings Jesus shows a precise parallel between an earthly father and his care of his household and the heavenly Father and His care for His kingdom: the household is a mini­-kingdom; a kingdom is an expanded household. Thus, the human family is to be a model of the heavenly kingdom.

The physical family also models this reality. The structure and function of the family are a reflection of the character of the church, Christ the Savior, and the relationship between them. Evangelism largely depends upon these living metaphors, the families in the church, and the vibrancy of their reflection of redemption. Three family relationships stand out: the husband­-wife, the parent-child, and the adoptive parent-child relationships.…

The Husband-Wife Relationship

The husband-wife relationship is a covenantal union that reflects the covenantal union between God and His people. The Old Testament often uses this analogy.⁵ For the prophets, Judah and Israel are the bride of Jehovah. The New Testament picks up this theme and clarifies it by portraying Jesus as the messianic bridegroom (Rev. 19:6-9; 21:2, 3; 22:17); Jesus thought of Himself in these terms (Matt. 22:1-14; 25:1-13).

Ephesians 5:22–33 is the most explicit teaching on this relationship: the husband is to be like Christ and the wife like the church. Much could be said about this, but for now note that this is no bare analogy. Paul refers to the one-flesh relationship of Genesis 2:24 and says that this union reflects the great mystery of the relationship between Christ and the church; therefore, a profound spiritual mystery is reflected in the husband-wife relationship; their union reflects the true union between Christ and His bride, the church. Both unions are mysteries.

To alter the nature of the husband-wife relationship reflects on the Savior-Church relationship, changing the perception of the nature and reality of salvation. This can endanger your life and the lives of everyone around you. Heresy does not change God, but it does pervert people’s view of Him and might hinder them from coming to Him. You must come to God as He is and not to your own image of Him.⁶

Today’s attempts to alter the husband-wife relationship attack God’s plan of salvation. Could anything be more serious? Whether the attempts are deliberate or not is important, yet intentions do not soften effects. Alter the Lordship of Jesus Christ and you alter salvation. Paul’s warning against this in Galatians should sober anyone who tampers with the marital structure. The husband-wife relationship, and the marriage union, mirrors the mystery of the incarnate Lord of glory redeeming His sinful bride.

This relationship has profound practical effects on teaching and evangelism. A poor husband-wife relationship can turn people away from the gospel. Consider a pastor whose marriage is so poor that his marital conflicts become apparent to all. His ministry becomes ineffective not only to non-Christians but to his own church members. He does not love; she does not submit. He eventually leaves the gospel ministry, and the church folds.

On the other hand, a godly relationship can be a tremendous witness. Once, an older street lady stayed with us for several months. As she was leaving, she mentioned that she had stayed in other Christian homes, but this was the first in which she had not been propositioned and in which the husband loved his wife. Thank you, Lord. She saw a living model of Christ and the church.

The Parent-Child Relationship

Closely related to the husband-wife relationship is the second family relationship, the parent-child relationship. Interestingly, the Scriptures hold both these family relations close to each other.

In Jeremiah 3:1–10, the bride of Jehovah addresses God as “my Father.” This address of respect shows that both the husband-­wife and parent-child relationship have authority and submission built in. To change the nature of either of these relationships is to distort the nature of salvation.

The parent-child relationship reflects the relationship between Jehovah and Israel.⁷ In the New Testament, “Father” becomes the best way to address God. The eternal Trinitarian Son becomes the messianic Son; earns the right for us to be born from above and adopted into God’s family; earns our inheritance (Rom. 8:15–17); and, with the Father, gives the Holy Spirit, who makes us like our Brother when He returns (1 John 3:2).

There are also practical implications for evangelism. Poor parent-child relationships can kill evangelism. I wish I could forget an incident that happened years ago. We had neighbors who were not Christians but who allowed us to take their children to church. One day during family worship, I asked our children if our young neighbors enjoyed church and would come to love God. “No!” came the fervent reply from one of our children. “You’re always scolding them to be quiet or to sit still.” I had not reflected the gentle hospitality of our holy God and Father. May God grant us the grace to reflect Him.

On the other hand, I know a couple whose example has affected many. The husband was a Christian school principal and an elder in a church. He and his wife have done evangelistic ministry in Uganda, Kenya, and the USA. They are now in Holland doing church planting under the leadership of their oldest son. Their family and parenting influenced many who lived with them or observed them as models of God’s love and discipline. Because their godly children reflected their godliness, many of their guests wanted to come to Christ.

The Adoptive Parent-Child Relationship

The third relationship is that of an adoptive parent and child. Everything said of parent-child relationships is true here. In addition, adoption includes going out of the way to incorporate a child who is a stranger by nature. Of course, this is a picture of God’s grace to us.

From stepfathers sexually molesting children to feminism denying the importance of fathers, children grow up with distorted views of fathers. While God’s grace can overcome such sin, it makes it more difficult for such children to come to God. The very idea of “father” is distorted. On the other hand, a couple in the church I pastored adopted their son. Their consistent love, as great or greater than any natural parent, has borne fruit: their son was a short-term missionary in Japan, a glowing example of a lay evangelist who loved Christ. He is now an ordained pastor and missionary. This adoptive relationship speaks volumes for the gospel.

Since the church is the family of God, a distorted view of the family will also pervert one’s view of the church. Today, attacks on authority in the church grow more and more vicious. Disrupt the church, and the light of the gospel is dulled.…But above all, remember the Savior on the cross. Yes, above all, keep your eyes on Jesus. No other blood can cover your sin; no other Lord can save you and your family; no other Lord can salvage, save, and sanctify society.

Much is at stake. If you lose the biblical family, you impact everything: God, reality, revelation, society, and redemption. Many voices call out modern renditions of old lies. Yes, the stakes are high. Lose the biblical family, and you lose the reflection of the reality and nature of God, the foundation for stability and progress in society, and the reflection of redemption. We must humble ourselves and listen to God. The church had better humble itself and listen to its Lord and Master. Modern Western culture had better humble itself and listen to God, or it will soon join Assyria, Babylon, ancient Greece, and Rome on the garbage heap of nations. If God did not spare Israel, He will not spare us. May He grant us mercy to listen and to obey.

Dr. George C. Scipione was director of the Institute for Biblical Counseling and Discipleship (IBCD) and later directed the Biblical Counseling Institute of the Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary. He has 44 years of pastoral experience and a doctorate in biblical counseling.