The following article is an expanded version of what appeared in the print edition of the RP Witness. This expanded article includes the points of counsel and an annotated bibliography from the Synod report.

Sadly, those caught in the throes of same-sex temptations are often unwilling to seek help in the church. Even more tragically, Christians are often afraid to reach out and offer Christ’s love to those identified as “homosexual.” A blend of incomplete facts and inaccurate stereotypes on both sides have tended toward a fear of reaching out.1 In the church, this uneasiness results in a tendency to speak much about the sin of homosexuality, but to offer little real help to those struggling with it.

We hope the following will be helpful for improving our ministry as Christ’s church to men and women with same-sex tendencies. Most of these points are standard principles for counseling relevant for ministry to any area of struggle. But we have endeavored to show the application of various discipleship principles to same-sex temptations, specifically.

Preliminary Considerations

First, while same-sex sins are treated very seriously in Scripture, they are not all that different from other temptations common to human experience. Homosexual sins are not unforgivable, nor is homosexual temptation a hopeless plight. Christians must avoid the stereotype of homosexuality as a sin greater than all others2, along with the presumption that those experiencing same-sex desires necessarily chose to feel that way.3

Same-sex temptation is just one among the many different burdens carried by each of us who need the redeeming work of Christ in our lives. Like many other temptations, same-sex desires often arise without warning and feel hopelessly overpowering. But all human brokenness is within reach of the gospel’s power. The Apostle Paul offers a powerful word of hope for overcoming all manner of sinful passions in his first epistle to the church in Corinth:

[You once were] sexually immoral,…idolaters,…adulterers,…[those] who practice homosexuality,…thieves,…greedy,…drunkards,… revilers,…swindlers…Such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God…God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power (1 Cor. 6:9-14).

Notice three things about this passage. First, note that homosexual sin is listed right alongside other, likewise grievous human temptations. Note also that each of the passions Paul lists here is a yearning that can be humanly uncontrollable in its bondage. But note also that all of these struggles are described as former identities from which the Corinthian believers were delivered by the power of Christ’s resurrection. The Scripture gives us tremendous hope in the face of all kinds of deep-seated passions.

We do not possess within ourselves the power to overcome any sinful passion. None of us can transform an alcoholic (“drunkard,” in Paul’s list above). None of us can grant full release, in our timing, to one wrestling with gambling temptations (included in the term “greedy” in Paul’s list). Neither is it within our power to work out deliverance from homosexual temptations. However, the Spirit of God is in the business of redeeming men and women from all manner of ungodly passions. It is the fact of Christ’s resurrection that shows us the kind of power God applies to the healing of our brokenness. And God has been pleased to minister such transformations, not only to men and women of ancient Corinth, but He continues to do so today.

It is not considered politically correct today to acknowledge that changes in sexual orientation are possible.4 Deep-seated desires are never resolved easily. They are certainly not resolved by mere willpower or “steps of treatment.” We dare not promise quick solutions; but neither should we shy away from the full hope of the gospel for total redemption by the working of God’s Spirit. Recent, scientifically rigorous studies of “religiously mediated change in sexual orientation” offer contemporary confirmation that the God of Paul and the believers in Corinth truly is still redeeming men and women from all manner of humanly uncontrollable passions today.5

Christians must avoid the stereotype of homosexuality as worse than all other sins and beyond the reach of God’s grace. Instead, we must replace that stereotype with robust gospel hope.

Secondly, when ministering to a person with same-sex temptations, we should not treat this one area of struggle in his or her life as somehow isolated from others. Whenever we discuss a particular kind of sin in an abstract manner, we tend to talk about it in a vacuum—as though it is a stand-alone struggle. In real life, however, a person is not defined by a single area of struggle. People need discipleship, and discipleship involves spiritual nurture in all areas of life. Sexuality is one of those areas, but it is certainly not the only area for discipleship—nor is it necessarily the most important.

As significant as homosexual temptations may be in a person’s life, a pastor should show concern for the whole person, not just for his or her sexual struggles. In fact, a person’s struggle in sexuality is often related to other needs.

There may be bitterness that feeds a person’s gender confusion. A person may need nurture in basic biblical disciplines in order to comprehend Scripture’s instructions on sexuality.6 Faith in the cross of Christ, with repentance for all one’s sin against God, is of course foundational to any work of sanctification (including sexual renewal). Multiple discipleship issues are often intertwined in a person’s life. And even where it is not possible to see connections between various areas of growth, Christ calls us to show his love to whole people in all areas of life (Matt. 28:19–20). Rather than addressing same-sex struggles as a special problem, or a condition to be treated in isolation from all others, sexuality should be viewed as one aspect of Christian witness and discipleship.

Finally, it needs to be affirmed that the first priority in ministry to all unbelievers, whatever their particular sins and temptations, is the ministry of evangelism. Apart from the presence of God’s Spirit, no victory over sin and temptation can be expected. The following guidelines are provided in that conviction. It is God’s Spirit who overcomes the sinful tendencies and resistance in our hearts. It is He who patiently softens our hearts to bring about a new longing for holiness, and who empowers us to reflect that holiness (Ezek. 36:25-27). Therefore, when ministering to those who have no evidence of the Spirit’s conviction and no evidence of repentance, the first priority is the gracious call of the gospel. God’s Word calls men and women involved in sin of any kind to repent and bow the knee to Christ their Creator and the only Redeemer. The first priority in ministry to all unbelievers, whatever their particular sins and temptations, is the ministry of evangelism.

The following guidelines do not replace evangelism. Instead, they presuppose some level of responsiveness to the Spirit’s work through the gospel, bringing a desire (even if just a budding desire) for holiness in Christ.

Points of Guidance

The following points are guidelines. They are not presented in any particular sequence, they are certainly not exhaustive, and they are not intended as any kind of method or outline for counseling men and women with same-sex struggles. Because every person’s situation is unique, we do not think it would be fruitful to construct a specific counseling model to follow. Instead, we have compiled various points of wisdom gleaned from our consultation with experienced counselors and their writings, from conversations with Christians who have come out of a homosexual background, and from our own ministry with men and women with same-sex temptations. We hope these guidelines will prove useful for pastors or counselors (and, in appropriate settings, laymen and congregations also) who are helping those with same-sex desires to bring their sexuality under the redemptive reign of Christ.

a. Trust—It takes a lot of courage to share personal struggles with a pastor or elder. That is true of any struggle, and it is certainly true about sexual struggles. Generally, by the time a person opens up his or her experience with same-sex temptations to a spiritual leader, there is already a long history of shame, agonizing, and guilt. It is a huge expression of trust to open up such an intimate area of need. A minister needs to understand that from the very start, and to make every effort to honor that trust, including the careful guarding of confidences and emotional sensitivity.

b. Choice—Many Christians mistakenly assume that a person is only responsible for what he has chosen. Therefore, to help an individual take responsibility for same-sex desires they feel obliged to prove that those same-sex desires were somehow cognitively chosen by the person experiencing them. This approach is inaccurate and unhelpful, both theologically and experientially. In any area of sin (not just same-sex sin), there certainly are choices involved in sinful behaviors, but temptations are not always consciously sought out. Sometimes they are; but sometimes temptation takes us by surprise. Most men and women with same-sex struggles have no awareness of ever having chosen these desires. A counselor needs to be alert to sinful choices that may be part of same-sex desires, but it is unnecessary to belabor the point or try to prove “you brought this struggle upon yourself.” We are each responsible to bring our own areas of temptation and weakness to the cross, whatever their origins, and there to seek Christ’s redemption and grace—including struggles we did not choose.

c. Hope and expectations—In all ministry, we must keep the full hope of glory before us with patient expectations about our experience of that glory today. God promises total redemption of our whole man, in Christ. In this life, we must continually make use of the means of grace and continually reckon ourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ. As we do so (through the means of grace), God’s Spirit is pleased to advance our sanctification according to His wisdom. The resurrection of Christ proves to us that the victory He has won for us is real and absolute. Our experience of that victory may be quick or gradual. In one area or another, that victory may be experienced in full, or with ongoing struggle. This is true of a believer’s struggles with pride, anger, gossip, lust, and other areas of temptation. Likewise, same-sex temptations must be brought continually to Christ with real hope and realistic expectations.7

d. Motives—A person’s motive for pursuing sanctification in any area of struggle needs to be a love for Christ and His glory, not simply a desire to “fix myself ” and “correct something embarrassing to me.” The Spirit of Christ may work patiently or He may work quickly (see point c, above). Helping a person nurture godly motivations for his or her efforts in sanctification will prove fruitful. Joe Dallas, an “ex-gay” man with a prominent ministry to those with same-sex struggles, observes, “I have seen plenty of successes. But there are plenty of failures, too. And among the failures I have seen two common elements: wrong motivation and unrealistic expectations.”8 Man’s chief end in every area of sanctification is the glory of God and our communion with Him.

e. Identity issues—At the root of every temptation is a lie. Furthermore, God made mankind in his image, and in Christ He is renewing men and women into His image. These truths must be kept in mind when using the many labels for homosexuality circulating in the culture. Labels like homosexual, gay, lesbian, and so forth are intended to define a person’s identity. Since the believer’s identity is in Christ, and we are being renewed in holiness after the likeness of Christ in every aspect of our brokenness, we must exercise discernment in our use of these labels. Only God has the right to define a person; the culture (even church culture) does not have that authority. What others have said about a person’s identity must be reconciled with the voice of God.

f. Wholesome fellowship—It should not be assumed that everyone with same-sex struggles grew up with poor male (for men) or female (for women) role models. Nevertheless, this is often enough the case to warrant careful attention. And even where poor relationships with same-sex role models were not present, same-sex temptations can leave a man marginalized from healthy male fellowship, and women from healthy female fellowship. An important part of ministry to men and women with sexual identity struggles is to provide wholesome, godly fellowship with others of the same gender. We’re not talking about guys doing “macho” stuff to prove their manhood. But including a man in wholesome fellowship with other men, and a woman in godly companionship with other ladies, is tremendously important.

g. Emotional needs—God made everything and gave everything its proper purpose; Satan created nothing. Sin always involves taking something God made for good purposes and using it for wrong purposes. This is certainly true of sex and sexual desires, as well. Sometimes sexual sins—both “heterosexual” and “homosexual”—involve an effort to find emotional needs fulfilled by sex which sex was never designed to fulfill. Sometimes a person has emotional needs for belonging, for acceptance, for worth, and so on. These emotional holes need to be healed through the grace of Christ and godly relationships, not through ungodly imaginations or deeds. In ministry to those with same-sex temptations, a pastor or counselor should be mindful of the tendency for both “heterosexual” and “homosexual” sexualization of emotional needs.9 The emotional needs may be legitimate, but they need to be met in proper ways.

h. Stumbling blocks—Forgiveness and redemption is the work of Christ, transforming the inner man. It is nothing we can accomplish in ourselves. Nevertheless, Christ calls us to be faithful in small things as we look to Him for great things. It is a matter of such faithfulness and simply prudence to remove stumbling blocks to sin from one’s life. If there are magazines, videos, internet sites, particular hangouts or associations, or other influences that stir same-sex temptations, these should be removed as far as possible. Accountability for overcoming habits in these areas can be a valuable help.

i. Bitterness—God designed human sexuality to find expression between a man and a woman. By its nature, therefore, same-sex behavior is defiant (Rom. 1:26-27). This does not mean that all those who struggle with same-sex temptations are motivated by bitterness and defiance. But it does mean that bitterness can fuel same-sex desires, and same-sex desires are sometimes most deeply entrenched in the context of significant bitterness. Be ready to help a person resolve areas of bitterness and learn forgiveness.

j. Gifts and service—Do not allow discipleship to deteriorate into a consuming focus on just one issue of struggle. A person’s same-sex struggles may call for prominent attention in discipleship, but encourage his or her spiritual development in other areas of life as well. This includes the development of his or her gifts for service to others. Same-sex orientation is not itself a source of giftedness. There is no biblical basis for the anecdotal claims that “same-sex orientation” enhances sensitivity or other qualities. At the same time, struggling with same-sex desires does not negate the fact that each person has gifts, which need to be nurtured and brought into service of the Spirit (Rom. 12:3-8).

k. Repentance—The book of Nehemiah opens with a prayer of repentance. Nehemiah heard that the walls of Jerusalem, the city of his people and his forefathers, had been broken down. His response was to weep and repent, not only for the sins he had committed personally, but for the sins of his family and his nation. Such examples in Scripture are a reminder to us that sin is both individual and corporate. We all bear the curse of Adam’s sin (original sin), the burden of our own family’s and society’s sins, along with the sins we ourselves commit. The brokenness we experience is wrapped up in the curse upon all mankind, our own societies, and ourselves, on account of the complicated mess of sin woven throughout humankind. Repentance for each one of us involves confession of corporate sins as well as individual sins. This principle is important to remember when helping a person take responsibility for an area of brokenness like same-sex desires, which he or she may never have chosen for him/herself, but which is nonetheless a manifestation of sin to be repented of (see Westminster Confession 6:3-6).

l. Acceptance versus approval—The spirit of the Pharisees is alive and well in every age, leading us to suppose that holiness means avoiding association with people who are struggling in grievous temptations and sin. On the other hand, the spirit of Balaam is also present in every generation, urging approval of wickedness and participation in their sin. Jesus is the Good Shepherd who seeks after the wandering sheep and the Good Physician who reaches out to the spiritually sick, without condoning sin. We should seek to represent Christ to others, including His readiness to associate with “publicans and sinners” in compassionate ministry, without approving of their sinful ways. This would include our careful readiness to show Christ’s compassion to men and women caught in the web of same-sex temptations and sin (see Jude 1:23).

m. Listening—Scripture exhorts us to “be quick to hear and slow to speak” (Jas. 1:19). A quickness to listen is especially important when dealing with needs as sensitive and complex as same-sex desires. A readiness to get to know the person to whom you are ministering is important. The “quick to hear” principle also calls us to a humble willingness to read, seek counsel, and learn from others, especially when ministering in an area in which we may not have had much personal exposure before. Be a good listener as you get to know the person to whom you are ministering. And for further resources on ministry to those with same-sex struggles, see the resource list below.

n. Prayer—Prayer is essential. In prayer, we acknowledge our dependence on the Spirit’s intervention to accomplish our sanctification. In prayer, we rest our hope upon the Spirit for His mighty blessing on our otherwise fruitless efforts. Pray for those to whom you are ministering. Pray with them, too. Praying with them helps to strengthen their awareness of God’s reality and presence with them in their struggles. Remember that the Father delights to answer prayer.

For further perspective on the history and theology of sexual orientation issues, and on ministry to those struggling with same-sex desires, an annotated list of reference materials follows.

Select, Annotated Bibliography The following list is deliberately abbreviated. A full bibliography of texts can be derived from the many footnotes throughout this paper, and through the bibliographies of those works. We have identified, below, a few titles which we believe to be among the most helpful to recommend for pastors and other Christian leaders desiring to read further.

a. Theological and Apologetic Resources—accessible

Dan O. Via and Robert A. J. Gagnon, Homosexuality and the Bible: Two Views (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2003), 117 pages with bibliography and Scripture index—This book is a short but robust presentation of two leading representatives of opposite positions on Scripture and homosexuality. In a typical “two views” format, each author presents his own position at length, and the book closes with short rebuttals from each responding to the other’s material.

Greg L. Bahnsen, Homosexuality: A Biblical View (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1978), 152 pages—although over 30 years old, Bahnsen’s perceptive treatment of the subject is still worthy of note. Bahnsen’s book addresses the subject from a reformed perspective, with awareness of the scientific issues already emerging in his day.

R. Albert Mohler, Jr., Desire and Deceit: The Real Cost of the New Sexual Tolerance (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 2008), 160 pages—an almost pocket-sized book, this book is a succinct review of the history and theology behind the homosexual movement, with insightful observations regarding the implications of mainstreaming homosexuality upon society.

b. Theological and Apologetic Resources—scholarly

Robert A. J. Gagnon, The Bible and Homosexual Practice: Texts and Hermeneutics (Nashville: Abingdon, 2001), 520 pages with author, Scripture, and classical texts indexes—one of the most extensive, exegetical and theological treatments on homosexuality and Scripture to date. Gagnon’s conclusions on the subject are in line with the positions espoused in the present paper.

Stanton L. Jones, Mark A. Yarhouse, Ex-gays?: A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation (Downers Grove, Ill.: IVP, 2007), 414 pages with subject index—written by psychologists for psychologists using standard research methods of modern psychology, this book presents the leading scientific case that religious approaches have demonstrated effectiveness in bringing about change to homosexual orientation.

c. Pastoral Resources

Joe Dallas, Desires in Conflict: Hope for Men Who Struggle with Sexual Identity (Eugene, Ore.: Harvest House, 2003), 247 pages with suggested reading list by subject—written by a man who came to Christ and found deliverance from a gay lifestyle. Joe Dallas now speaks, writes, and counsels to help others find salvation and sexual wholeness in Christ. This book is a hopeful yet realistic, practical, and helpful guide for men dealing with same-sex struggles. It is addressed directly to men struggling with same-sex desires, making it a useful resource for reading with someone in a discipleship setting.

Anne Paulk, Restoring Sexual Identity: Hope for Women Who Struggle with Same-Sex Attraction (Eugene, Ore.: Harvest House, 2003), 272 pages with suggested reading list by subject—written by a woman who came to Christ and found deliverance from a lesbian lifestyle, this volume is the counterpart to Joe Dallas’s book for men above. In this book, Anne Paulk addresses herself to women wrestling with same-sex desires, making this a useful resource for two women to read together in a discipleship setting.

Exodus International Ministries (website: http://www.exodusinternational.org/). Exodus International is on the forefront of ministry to men and women with same-sex struggles. There are numerous resources available on their website, as well as conferences and regional contacts they provide for support.

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Endnotes 1 Illustrating the stereotype of the church fostered in the gay community: Louis Crompton, Homosexuality and Civilization (Cambridge, Mass.: First Harvard University Press, 2006). 2 According to WLC 150, “All transgressions of the law of God are not equally heinous; but some sins in themselves, and by reason of several aggravations, are more heinous in the sight of God than others.” The subsequent question (WLC 151) offers guidance for discerning what those aggravations are that make some sins more heinous than others. 3 See fuller discussion of this in chapter II. 4 An article in the August 1998 issue of Newsweek observed, “Few identities in America are more marginal than ex-gay.” As marginalized as those in the homosexual community may feel, those who profess to have been changed (to be “ex-gay”) are more so. (Joe Dallas, Desires in Conflict: Hope for Men who Struggle with Sexual Identity [Eugene, Ore.: Harvest House, 2003], 56.) 5 See esp., Stanton L. Jones, Mark A. Yarhouse, Ex-gays?: A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation (Downers Grove, Ill.: IVP, 2007). 6 Cf., chapter IV. We there showed how some Bible scholars cite Scripture in their efforts to legitimize homosexuality, but the understanding of Scripture used in those approaches is flawed. In some cases, discipleship in the nature of Scripture and the role Scripture itself calls us to give it in our lives could be important.