The Old Testament ends with the words, “And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse” (Mal. 4:6).

In this season of my life with four young children (ages 11, 9, 7, and 5), I realized I was giving away scores of my time to a lot of things, none of which were sinful, but which were not being used to focus on discipling my own children.

The Holy Spirit really convicted me that these are the only years I have to intensely pour into them and be fully present as a father. I cannot gain these years back.

Before my wife and I were married, I read statistics about how much time the average American spent watching television. I resolved to never have a TV. Then, years later, the iPhone came out. What an amazing tool! It was like the Swiss army knife of technology. I could get rid of my GPS, my point-and-shoot camera, my calendar, my PalmPilot, and my phone. Life was revolutionized, and I could stay better organized.

Then the world of social media hit my pocket. No longer did I have to go to my desktop and log on to see a handful of people I knew closely. Social media began to morph and change with the proliferation of images and video. We opened a photography business, and the world of social media became a very important part of communication and marketing. Again, none of this is necessarily sinful in and of itself.

However, what we began to realize was that there was a shift for many people. The line between real life and social media life was blurring, such as wishing someone happy birthday on a post rather than seeing them in person. Liking, loving, and hitting the care button seemed too easy compared to truly caring. Loving a picture on Instagram was as easy as two taps, but loving people in person, with words, was almost impossible. As things have become polarizing, I witnessed a family member who was normally jovial and gracious start to use derogatory name calling when interacting with others. This was a change that concerned me.

But what concerned me most was that time was fleeing. When I looked at the hours of my life spent on social media, I wondered, would it be approving to Christ? Would my mindless watching of YouTube or TikTok help show my wife that I loved her? I had become addicted to social media and did not like it.

I previously had a habit of reading deeply. It was not unusual for me to read two or three books each month on top of sermon and Bible study preparation. Yet, when I sat at the beginning of 2022, I realized a new habit had formed. When I would come to a difficult paragraph or concept, whether reading or writing, I would jump to social media. Instead of digging deep and concentrating, I would try to find a quick dopamine hit—something to give me a little mental relief. A member of the congregation asked if I had read anything interesting that month. I was ashamed to say all I had read were commentaries for sermons and Bible studies. A love that I had for reading was given both by time and attention to social media or the black hole of internet information.

As a child, I was diagnosed with ADHD and still struggle to discipline myself to concentrate. Now I was losing the battle with media algorithms designed for people like me. The technology was not necessarily sinful. However, my lack of self-control showed I needed to be in Christ more. I needed to ask if I was bearing fruit in keeping with repentance from all my online usage. The answer was no. All of my email newsletter reading, Facebook scrolling, and YouTube watching were not making me a great husband, loving father, and faithful friend. I had become the person who spent mindless hours surfing the internet that I had resolved not to be when shunning the television.

I chose a two-pronged approach. What I desired was to better glorify God in the long term. So, I needed to get at foundational priorities as well as environmental cues. I needed to address my heart, prong one, as well as to detox and rewire from internet consumption.

Prong One: Foundational Priorities

I doubled down on godly habits that I had begun to let slip into marginal activities. I began to read more Scripture. I had not stopped reading Scripture, but I had not been fully engaged. So, I spent time reading the Word, meditating on it, and letting the truths and implications seep into my soul. Not for anyone else, for me. Not to get better at a sermon or explain to someone else but to feed upon the Word of God for my own spiritual nourishment. I spent more time in prayer—praying for people more deeply and praying for my own soul. Though I was not texting as many people to communicate with them about prayer (iOS is great at being able to text quickly from a laptop, whereas XT9 on my new flip phone seems to take three hours to write four sentences), I was praying more.

Then I began adding books to my regimen. If I didn’t feel guilty about watching a 10-minute YouTube video, why would I feel guilty about picking up Chaim Potok, C. S. Lewis, or Augustine for a few minutes?

Prong Two: Environmental Cues

We cut the cord. We canceled internet at our house and switched me to a flip phone. But that was just an external change. Olivia and I went through my schedule with my best friend and former pastor, Micah Ramsey, and we began to reorganize and prioritize our family and the local ministry. I began to do my sermon work at the same table our children were doing their homeschool. Olivia and I decided that I would handle the Bible class and Bible memorization for the kids’ schooling. I needed to prioritize my family, especially the children, if my heart was really turned to them.

It’s easy to say get rid of your iPhone. It’s easy to say cut the internet cord. It’s easy to be legalistic and say do not handle, do not taste, do not touch. What is harder is heart-filled repentance. I was loving myself with social media and not God or my family. One could build a 10-foot wall around all technology, but there’s always an 11-foot ladder. In biblical language, I needed to repent by putting off and putting on.