The following story is fictional. Any similarities in the accounts or descriptions to any person, living or dead, might not be purely coincidental.

P astor Jim Hastings sat alone in his study on Monday afternoon. He used to enjoy these times of solitude. They gave him an opportunity to thank God for what He was doing in the church, to rejoice in the well-received message given the day before, to focus his vision, and generally to rejoice in the goodness of God.

Lately, however, these secluded moments had turned to struggle, loneliness, and hurt. He had been in the church for almost 10 years. As he reflected on his ministry, he realized that not much had changed in the congregation, or in the lives of the people. The church had grown some, but the growth was so gradual that he doubted anyone really noticed. And there were still the same problems in the body that had been festering for years.

As Jim reflected on his situation, he was reminded of the big plans he once had for his ministry. Where had they gone? Were they just the pipe dreams of a foolish, inexperienced seminary graduate?

He had prayed for the church. He had sought counsel from more experienced pastors. Now nothing seemed to matter. However he might try, he could think of little in the ministry that brought him joy. The church seemed lifeless, the people indifferent. Oh, sure, occasionally one of the older saints would say something nice about his sermon. But these gracious ladies would probably say kind things to the IRS agents when they came to their homes for an audit. He remembered how a friend from seminary used to say that the most important factor in a revitalized church was a revitalized pastor. That sounds nice, Jim thought, and may even be true. I came to the church hoping to bring revitalization. But, who, O Lord, is going to revive me?

Frustrated, Jim walked to the file cabinet in the corner of his office. Opening the bottom drawer, he searched through some files at the back. He pulled out an unmarked folder, closed the drawer, and returned to his desk. Inside the folder was a single sheet. It was the resignation letter he had composed six years ago but had never given to the church leaders.

“Funny,” Jim murmured to himself as he read the letter, “little has changed. I could submit this letter tomorrow with only adjusting the date and a few minor points. The criticisms still hurt, the lukewarm support for my ideas still bothers me, and the lack of appreciation is still very real. The scope of my responsibilities still overwhelms me. I need to be a preacher, counselor, visionary, administrator, leader, comforter, evangelist, teacher, prayer warrior, discussion leader, trainer of others, and sometimes a janitor. It would be somewhat bearable if only I found a little joy in these roles or believed they made the slightest difference.”

He did not mind the tears that slid down his cheeks and dropped on his lap.

Jim closed the folder and rested his head on the desk. He wanted to pray, but the words would not come. They seemed to stick in his throat.

In the silence, a phrase came to his mind. He recognized it as a verse from the Bible but could not remember where it was found. Clicking on his computer, he started his Bible software program. After a couple of failed attempts on the electronic concordance, the software recognized the sequence of words he entered. With the reference, he opened his Bible to Psalm 62:8. “Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”

Haltingly, he began to pray again. This time, however, he felt slightly more empowered to pray, baring his soul before his precious Lord.

As Jim was praying, he remembered that his favorite seminary professor used to encourage students to read biographies of Christian heroes of the past. Not having time to read a book, Jim picked up a notebook where he kept a list of favorite sayings and quotes. He paused over a quote from William Carey, the Father of Modern Missions: “All my friends are but One, but He is all-sufficient.” Jim was reminded of Psalm 73:28, “But as for me, the nearness of God is my good.” Though Jim was struggling, he began to rejoice in the nearness of God to his hurting soul.

Another quote helped him see the importance of the Word of God for his life. In a time of great disappointment, Henry Martyn, the famous missionary to Persia who died in 1812, wrote, “Let me return with thankfulness to His Word where I can find what will more than compensate for the loss of earthly enjoyments.” It was the Word of God that had the power to revive souls. Jim turned to Psalm 119. “My soul cleaves to the dust; Revive me according to Your Word.…This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your Word has revived me” (Ps. 119:25, 50). In times past when Jim had been discouraged, he learned to wait upon the Lord, believing God would use His Word to encourage and strengthen his heart. He started getting excited about spending some extra time in the Bible.

Thinking of Henry Martyn brought another of his quotes to Jim’s mind. He paged through his notebook until he found it. “To all appearance the present year will be more perilous than any I have seen, but if I live to complete the Persian New Testament, my life after that will be of less importance.” Martyn lived for the glory of God, not for his personal comfort. Jim saw his moodiness and discouragement as selfish, placing his desire for accolades and ease above the progress of the kingdom of God. He realized he needed to develop a greater perspective on eternity.

Jim decided to make two phone calls. Two of the elders of the church were his prayer and accountability partners. They met on Tuesday mornings. Jim had planned to cancel the meeting this week, thinking that they would not want to see him in such a discouraged state. But now he wanted to see if they could meet a little earlier so Jim could gain strength from them. He was able to reach David Sands at his office. After hearing of his pastor’s need, David eagerly agreed to meet 30 minutes earlier. Jim could not reach George Masters. But George’s wife assured Jim that if the pastor needed him, George would be there.

Jim wept at the generous and caring spirit of these two men. He turned to other passages in his Bible. “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up (Eccle. 4:9-10). When David was in a time of uncertainty and despair, Jonathan came to him and “helped him find strength in God” (1 Sam. 23:16).

As Jim continued to think about these matters, he remembered the advice from a pastor in Chicago. Everyone has three “tanks” in their lives that must be kept filled–spiritual, physical, and emotional. The spiritual tank is replenished by the Christian disciplines (the Word, prayer, fellowship, sacraments). Jim thought that he could master these disciplines again.

As he thought about the physical tank, Jim remembered a physician telling him there were three ways to renew physical strength–rest, nutrition, and exercise. His pastor-friend had added a fourth, that of fasting. Jim got out his calendar and decided Thursday could be set aside for fasting and prayer, something he had not done in years.

The emotional tank was refilled by different things, depending on what interested a person. Jim knew his wife would be happy if gardening and yard work refilled his emotional tank, but they did not. Reading a good novel often did. Jim made a mental note to find a good book to read, starting tonight after the children were in bed. Maybe he should also play some golf before the weather got too bad.

This process forced Jim to begin thinking outside himself. When he was involved in college ministry, his team leader had a simple rule: If you are ever especially discouraged, share the gospel with a nonbeliever. Jim recalled how sharing Christ had always been a great boon to his walk with God. Speaking of Christ to others always reminded him of the greatness of the gospel for his own life. Although he had not had a meaningful conversation with an unbeliever in some time, Jim prayed for two of his neighbors and the mechanic who worked on his car. He asked God to open a door for ministry into their lives.

As God continued to minister to his soul, Jim took out a piece of paper and made a list of the practices he believed would keep his spirit refreshed. He knew his personal renewal would not come overnight, but he was confident he was on the right track. He understood he was weak. He remembered Paul’s words from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 that God’s power is perfected in weakness, and Hudson Taylor’s uplifting line, “God uses people who are weak and feeble enough to lean on Him.” Jim purposed right then to enjoy the journey that was ahead of him, because God could be glorified even in his weakness.

As he finished his list, Jim scanned through the pages of his notebook of quotes. The words of Blaise Pascal caught his eye. “Do small things as if they were great, because of the majesty of Jesus Christ, who works them in us, and who lives our life; and great things as small and easy, because of His omnipotence.” He added to his list to remind himself that he needed to cultivate faithfulness, even in the small things.

Looking at his watch, Jim was surprised how quickly the afternoon had passed. It was time to leave. Maybe he could get home before his wife started dinner preparations. Possibly getting a baby-sitter at the last minute, he and his wife could go out to dinner. He knew his faithful wife had been concerned for his well-being and was praying for him.

He picked up his resignation letter and scanned it one more time. This time, a smile broadened on his face. He thought about destroying it. But instead, he scribbled the date on the inside of the file folder and wrote underneath it, “Read on this date, for the glory of God.” He was going to keep the letter as a memorial for what the Lord had done in his heart this day. Returning the folder to the bottom drawer of the file cabinet, he looked around his office. Things seemed so peaceful now. Fighting back tears, he raised his hands to heaven and prayed, “Thank You, Lord.”

As Jim turned out the lights in his office, two thoughts struck him. “I should send my list of factors for personal renewal to our denominational magazine. The editors might publish them as a help to others, both pastors and laypeople.” The second thought caused him to pause as he slipped the key out of his office door. “Maybe, just maybe, this week I will give the best sermon in the history of Green County.” Jim chuckled to himself as he dropped his keys into his pocket, “Well, Pastor Hastings, I suppose it is good to dream again.”

Pastor Hastings’ List of Practices for Personal Renewal

1. Regularly pour out my heart before God in prayer.
2. Spend time in the Word of God.
3. Cultivate godly friendships with those who can keep me accountable.
4. Read biographies of famous Christians.
   5. Develop an eternal perspective.
5. Look to share the gospel.
6. Refresh my heart with the gospel regularly.
7. Meditate deeply on, and dream about, the kingdom.
8. Carefully monitor my spiritual, physical, and emotional tanks.
9. Make sure to rejoice in the journey, not merely the destination.
10. Rejoice in my trials and weaknesses.
11. Consciously pursue faithfulness even in small matters.

Benefits from Reading Christian Biographies

u Find inspiration. u Learn from the lives of others. u Grow in our vision of God. u See the type of people that God uses. u Grow in our ability to influence others. u Pray for Christian workers more effectively. u See fruitfulness coming from suffering. u See God bring good out of adversity. u Think greater thoughts about the kingdom of God. u See God answering prayer.

– Harry Metzger

Harry Metzger is pastor of North Hills (Pittsburgh, Pa.) RPC. He is chairman of the RPCNA Synod’s Revitalization Committee.