For nearly a decade, the hit TV show Cheers opened with a theme song celebrating the sense of security that comes from having a place “where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.” That mythic place sounds closer to heaven than anything we have found on earth. It also sounds increasingly remote in our current society. Loneliness, it seems, is the new normal.

In May 2023, the US Surgeon General issued an “Advisory on our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” Its staggering statistics show how bad our relationships have become and how bad it is for us to be so alone. God identified this problem long ago when He said, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). A lack of emotionally fulfilling and mentally stimulating relationships has devastating physical and spiritual consequences. Increased risk of serious illness accompanies loneliness. Sin may thrive in isolation.

Many are raising the alarm. Numerous news sources have run articles about it. Comment magazine has a full edition discussing it. Some act on it. In Seattle, Citizen University is attempting to build communities, albeit with a civic view. In the Boston area, the Friendship Project is supplying people for socially isolated individuals. It’s an initiative of “volunteer friends.” But some worry that solving the problem really needs to start with rightly understanding the source.

There are many reasons offered for why this is happening. Some point to the pandemic. We were told to isolate. Now, we struggle to reconnect. Some blame technology and media. To paraphrase Neil Postman, we’re amusing ourselves into loneliness. Others see the economic erosion of neutral places in which relationships could casually thrive. Perhaps that mom-and-pop shop served more than convenience. Anthony Esolen eulogized friendship, claiming that it perished in the wake of the sexual revolution.

We have taken many roads to get where we are. But now that we are here, let’s find a way out. Let’s find a way to be a place where everybody knows your name and they’re glad you came. The road out of loneliness into friendship is long, but worth the trip.

First, relationships fall into place. In Genesis, a garden provided space for two people to get to know each other. As embodied beings, we need space, beautiful and delightful places where it’s easy to hang out. Prayerfully care for homes, churches, gardens, and neighborhoods, making them spaces where people want to be. As much as possible, keep the job, church, and home in close proximity; “better is a neighbor who is near” (Prov. 27:10). Commutes kill community.

Second, Scripture’s constant call for patience shows us that we need time. Sherry Turkle studied conversations and found that people need 90–120 minutes in order to talk freely. A chat doesn’t start until the second hour! Vulnerability doesn’t come quickly. We need open-ended experiences where silence and speech slowly untangle the knots in our souls. “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Prov. 20:5). Prayerfully care for calendars and commitments, making sure you schedule important priorities first.

Third, Scripture’s examples show that loneliness has more than one antidote. Marriage offers intimacy (Song 7:10–11). Family supplies a sense of belonging (Prov. 18:24). Friendship is forged for temptation (Prov. 12:26) and sorrow (17:17). Partnerships make us resilient and productive (Eccl. 4:8–10). We need a diverse community of connections. Prayerfully care for each calling, tending to responsibilities God has given you.

Fourth, the best connections are kingdom connections. Like David and Jonathan, relationships thrive when glorifying and enjoying God is the main purpose. Weaving our chief end into everyday life requires passion and creativity. We need people who value play and production, work and worship. We need silence and solitude for contemplation but not self-indulgence or a way to punish others. Prayerfully prioritize God’s kingdom and His righteousness (Matt. 6:33).

This is best illustrated in Jesus. God saw that it was not good for humans to be alone, so He decided to be our helper (Ps. 33:20). He came into our neighborhood, giving three uninterrupted years of ministry, blessing all our lawful callings, and joining in all our work and play. Let’s follow Jesus in combating loneliness by calling one another friends (John 15:15).