Ever since I was little, I have had trouble remembering things. I used to think maybe my life was too ordinary to be worth remembering. Little did I know that my heart had sealed a memory that I could not bear to face!

The memory came back to haunt me in the summer of 1992. I was devastated and furious. How could my heavenly Father forsake me? Doesn’t Matthew 7:9-11 say, “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him?”

I felt I could not go on living. I went through seminary to find my answers but was disappointed. I attempted to abandon Christianity, but was not successful. God never let me go.

Eight years after the memory came back, I took a part-time job as a paraeducator in a preschool classroom. There I met a little girl who had had a similar experience. I am grateful to have met her, because her struggles are mine. Working with her has helped me understand myself better. Yet, at the same time “my soul [was] overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matt. 26: 38). How could terrible things keep happening to little children?

God knew that I was not going to pull through this difficult time without helpers. He led me to a group of Christians who have provided a church home for me. They have shown me what “one body with many members” (Rom. 12:4) means and how to be faithful under difficult circumstances. I am forever grateful for their friendships, and for what they have taught me. Maybe this is the cup that I need to drink. Maybe at His right time I will have my question answered.

With a trembling heart I wonder what other hard lessons will be ahead of me, but I do understand now that “God is faithful; he will not let [me] be tempted beyond what can bear. But when [I am] tempted, he will also provide a way out so that can stand up under it” (1 Cor. 10: 13).