May 29, 1972, was the day I gave up my life. I am here to tell you how and why that happened.

My mother was English and married my father during World War II. A few years later on June 30, 1949, during a thunderstorm, I was born. I was a little premature and weighed about five pounds. I was born tongue-tied, a condition in which the bottom of the tongue is still attached to the bottom of the mouth. I couldn’t nurse and lost weight until I was so small that I had a handkerchief for a diaper.

When I was two years old, my parents divorced. Afterward I saw my mother only once that I can remember, and by then I was five years old. My father was a laborer and worked from sun up to sun down, so my brother and I lived with other people until I was six. During our stays with other people, there was neglect, cruelty, and abuse.

We moved at least 18 times. I went to many different schools, some of them more than once. I did not have lasting childhood friendships or close friends and built up mental and emotional walls that kept me safe and others at a distance.

I attended church infrequently and only for social reasons. I knew of and believed there was a God, but only as a vague and distant thing. My life was lived as a rebellious, self-centered individual of the world. Because of this attitude, I got into trouble and received a fair amount of spankings and other forms of punishment.

My father remarried when I was 13. I was unable to get along with my stepmother, so when the opportunity came at age 15, I left home. By age 17, I was a high school dropout who had worked a short time at many different jobs. I had a low self-esteem and was struggling to fit into life on any level. God placed good people in my life at strategic points, or I probably would have become an alcoholic, an inmate, or dead, as many of the kids I grew up with did.

A man that I worked for became a mentor to me. He convinced me to finish high school and start college, and he taught me many things about people, life, and business. Still, life for me was lonely and empty. I had many acquaintances but few real friends.

During this time, my cousin asked me to go to church with her, and I did, for social reasons. The couple in charge of the youth group took us to many special religious events. I even went forward at one, because a girl I had a crush on went forward; and I went through the motions, as the man instructed me, to accept Christ, but did not learn what God wanted to teach me.

Then God brought the full weight of the U.S. government to bear upon my life. I was drafted into the Marine Corps, where I was trained and sent to Vietnam. I was good at what they taught me to do, but, because of my rebellious attitude, was labeled as “not military minded.”

I learned much about myself through this experience: my strengths and weaknesses, my ability to do some things and recognize limits. In Vietnam, I did and saw things that man should not have to do to other human beings. As bad as that experience was, it did not yet bring my stubborn, rebellious self to where God wanted me to be.

After coming home from Vietnam, my normal routine was work, party, and sleep—not necessarily in that order. I was withdrawn, keeping people at a distance with those walls that were now thicker than ever. I had dated several women and loved my current girlfriend, thinking she was the one I would marry. But in reality I had an ulcer, was emotionally bankrupt, and had no worthwhile purpose in life and nothing to live for. I did not like people or myself and had an attitude that showed I didn’t care. Something was wrong; I was missing something. I did not like my life and decided that it had to change or end.

I went to see the couple who had been in charge of the youth group at the church I had attended, hoping they had an answer to the hole in my life. They shared with me what Christ did for me on the cross and what He meant in their lives. They wanted me to start going to church again and to attend a young singles event on Friday evenings called InterVarsity Fellowship. I told them I didn’t fit in with that group. They insisted I go just once and see what happened.

I was there for the next Friday evening meeting. That evening, I met my future wife (we have three grown children and have been married for over 47 years) and told the only guy I knew there that it was good to see him again but I wouldn’t be back (he later was best man at our wedding). God had other plans for me, so I was there every Friday evening.

God had let me go my own way until I could see that my life was empty without Him. I knew that I was a sinner (Rom. 3:23) and there was a penalty for sin (Rom. 6:23). I then confessed my sins (1 John 1:9) and asked Christ into my life as Lord and Savior (Rev. 3:20) knowing that He has paid the price for my sins (John 3:16).

That’s when, on May 29, 1972, I took my life, and since I was finally where God wanted me to be, gave it to Christ. There was no flash of light, no music playing in the background, no fanfare of any sort, but I knew it was real.

When I asked Christ to take my life, He changed me because He was what was missing in my life. I no longer had the same desires or lifestyle as my family and friends, so, our lives went in different directions. My attitude changed, my ulcer went away, and the walls I had built up started to crumble. There have been times of gladness, happiness, and great joy; times of tragedy, loss, and great sorrow; and times of anger, anxiousness, and great frustration. I have been up, down, and stagnant in my Christian walk; but because God is always faithful, there was still growth.

Through these experiences and opportunities, God has taught me many things. The most important thing one can know about God is that He is. In Exodus 3:14, God said His name is I AM. God is awesome, bigger than anything mankind can imagine, so it’s useless to try to put God into a box. In Numbers 11:23, God said, “Is my arm too short?” Jeremiah 32:27 says, “Behold, I am the Lord.…is there anything too hard for me?” That’s the God I believe in. Many people do not reach their full potential because they do not believe that God is big enough.

God is merciful. As sinners we deserve nothing less than the full wrath of God. The worst we can experience for eternity is total separation from the presence of God.

The most important thing you can learn in life is to think for yourself. Investigate and discover for yourself what is truth. Second Timothy 2:15 tells us, “Study…rightly dividing the word of truth.”

I encourage you to get excited about and take pleasure in learning, be inquisitive, read everything, and learn from others. To be alive is to learn. Learn to do right before you do wrong. Learn to make wise choices in life, get counsel from those with more experience, and learn from others’ mistakes. Consider the life of David, who was, among other things, an adulterer and murderer; yet because of his faith and humility, he was called a man after God’s own heart. The key here, I think, is David went before God regularly to confess his sins and ask forgiveness.

The most important thing I learned about myself was to accept who I am. I learned what my spiritual gift is (administration) and my prime motivator (efficiency). I chose 2 Peter 3:17–18 as a life verse: “Beware lest you also fall from your own steadfastness, being led away with the error of the wicked; but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ.” That can help determine the choices you make. Develop a demanding ethical standard. Integrity cannot be taken from you; you have to give it away to lose it. Develop a good work ethic. Have the attitude that no matter what the task, you are going to do the best you can because you want to know that you could do no better.

We all go through life with our mournful regrets, unfulfilled expectations, what-might-have-beens, and what-ifs, but we also have our accomplishments, our growth, and our successes. I have learned to accept what God has provided and press on. Sometimes life is filled with pain and tragedy and nothing at all like I have planned.

In 2000 and 2001, God intensified my learning process of Him and His plan. I was fired and remained out of a permanent job for over two years. It was kind of like another Vietnam experience, only this time I was attentive to learn and drew closer to God. I used to think that who I was was defined by what I had accomplished. My wife, Claudia, had been trying to get me to attend Bible Study Fellowship for years, but I was always too busy or unable to devote the time. God changed that. Now I had nothing but time.

The first year I was in Bible Study Fellowship, we studied the book of Matthew. Through this experience, I learned that my sufficiency is in the Lord. When in a study of Matthew 6:26, the Holy Spirit opened my heart and mind to show me my life had worth or value only in my relationship to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Through my life’s journey, I have come to know my strengths and weaknesses, who, what, and where I am. I’ve come to terms with my faults and am ready to stand before God to accept His judgment and mercy, knowing that, at the end of this life’s journey, Christ waits for me.