Editor’s note: In the U.S. and Canada we take for granted freedoms like choice of clothing and method of transportation. What would life be like if certain freedoms like these were taken away? A young lady from a Reformed Presbyterian congregation in Australia recently found out when she went to the Middle East to take a course in Arabic. Here are some of the things she learned. For the sake of her safety, we are holding to a degree of anonymity.

I was recently in a Middle Eastern country for five weeks. I learned a lot about the women, their culture, their dress, their roles, their hospitality, and some of the obstacles in witnessing to them.

Lesson 1: Dress

It takes time to get to know a culture and how to behave in it. Some of the questions about clothing are the same as in America: What is modest, what is fashionable, and how much do I adapt to the culture around me?

One of my first memories of the country is from the second day, trying on coverings at a corner of a busy market, to the amusement of an audience that had gathered to watch. The first one I tried was a little too short around the ankles; the second one was deemed long enough by the shopkeepers and so I bought it. It was nice to be able to wear this covering whenever I went out.

Looking good to the other women was very important to them. Most of the local girls had trendy bags or shoes, usually heels, which I had not brought with me. On that second day, I sat in on some classes at an institute teaching English. One of the girls during that class drew a picture of me and then gave it to the lecturer to give to me. One of the first things I noticed about it was how messy my hair was. A couple of days later I went shopping with my housemate to buy hairclips and was able to bargain, although I saved only about a dime off the price.

I was able to go to a couple of women’s parties while I was there. The women were dressed as though going to a prom. Some of the Western women commented on going to a party wearing makeup and the women would say, “Oh, you are not wearing makeup; here, let me put some on you.” Our language tutor was complaining about how long it took his wife

to get ready to leave the house and mentioned how clearly I was a lower-maintenance girl! Most of these parties were catering to young women, so they had a lot of loud music and dancing; although we did go to one and sat like sardines in a room of older women. The woman next to me was very friendly but would tend to reach across me or spray me with what she was chewing on (which she later noticed and helped me brush off ).

Before I left the Middle East, I went shopping for some material to make into a dress for a friend of mine. Between the fluorescent orange material and material dripping with beads it was difficult to find something I thought my friend would be willing to wear. In the end, I found some beautiful gray material, even though it still had beads and embroidery.

Lesson 2: Women’s Roles

We originally had an afternoon class, but asked to have it changed because in the late afternoon the women spent time visiting each other. We might not have met many women that way. The guys with whom I was traveling found it much easier to talk to strangers. Men wanted to practice their English with them and they could hang out at juice bars and play table tennis at clubs.

Getting lost seemed to be a good strategy as well! One time the group of us were traveling on a minibus and we ended up in the wrong place. A man approached us and took us to the right minibus and later invited us to a meal with his family.

When I would visit people, I would always be in a separate room from the men. The guys ate with the man and I ate with the women of the family in the back room. For a Christian wife, the question is, Does one choose not to walk into the room when men are visiting one’s husband, or is it better to show them how a Christian family operates? The women were all wearing dresses and were keen to see what I was wearing; I had not put much thought into it and was just wearing jeans and a T-shirt. The communication barrier was difficult, and we did a lot of questions and answers but could not discuss anything complex. I also got them to teach me how to dance like them, but the movements take a little getting used to.

Lesson 3: Religion

In the late afternoon I often would go with other Western women and “borrow” their local friends. Within the context of the home, the women were keen to practice their English. In one case, I was taken along to distract the girls so that the lady I was with could converse with the mother; her English was not so good so normally she could not participate in the conversation. One of the questions I was most commonly asked was whether I was married. After I would say no, sometimes the next question would be, Why don’t you marry a man from this country? I would say that I was a Christian woman and the Bible said that I could not. Most women would accept this and move quickly to another subject. Once I was then asked something like why I did not become a Muslim, but as I opened my mouth to answer this question, her friend quickly chimed in saying that they would respect my religion and I was to respect theirs. Another time I was invited to what turned out to be a Muslim evangelism night where a woman spoke of the virtues of fasting and of the religion of Islam. All of the speech was translated into English for us. It was an interesting experience to be on the receiving rather than organizing end of a night like that. In another circumstance, the topic of the Bible came up. and when I asked the lady if she had read it, her response was that her daughter would not let her.

After visiting the market with some local girls one afternoon, it was starting to get a little dark. I told the girls I would take the taxi home from the market. They did not think this would be a good idea but instead wanted to take me back to a mutual friend’s house who they presumed would drive me home. I was a little uncomfortable because the market was closer to my house than the mutual friend and I didn’t want to put them out by having to drive me, but the girls seemed surprised that I would travel by myself by taxi, so I went along with them. When we reached my friend’s house, there was no one at home, so I convinced them to put me in a taxi and send me home. However, they let me do so on the condition that I call them when I got home, which I did. Most women there were well protected, not going out by themselves after 8 p.m. except during Ramadan, where day and night get turned around. One night during Ramadan my housemate and I went out shopping around 11 p.m. and got home about 1 a.m. which felt a little strange. My housemate appreciated having me there because it meant we could go out together at night for tea, which she could not do on her own.

Lesson 4: Manners

While at the market, the girls who were with me offered me corn on the cob. I don’t really like it because I find it tedious to eat, so I said no. They offered it to me again and I said no. Again they offered it to me and I said yes. This was apparently polite manners on both our parts. While we were there, they had me look at shoes with the younger daughter. They went off and came back with a necklace that they had bought for me. Another time I was traveling by myself on a minibus and got lost. I went into a small university and approached some girls to ask for directions. One girl who knew English was very kind and put me on the correct bus. A girl on the bus also helped me get off at the right place and walked me to where I could see my destination. Another time I was with a woman who did not know much English, and, without thinking, I admired her ring in an effort to communicate. She immediately offered it to me, and I mentally kicked myself. I said no and she then brought over several similar rings for me to choose from. I looked pleadingly at the Western women with me, but it was too late, and I was obliged to pick from one of the rings on the table, including the one from her finger. I chose one of the rings, and she bought it for me.

The author has returned to the Middle East, where she will teach school for two years.