On a warm June day nearly 20 years ago, my husband, Sam, and I stood before our family and friends promising to love and cherish each other until death. As most often happens, our pastor asked the Lord to bless us with children, and, while we had no idea how He would, He certainly has!

Early in our marriage Sam and I talked about adoption, as becoming pregnant seemed uncertain. In fact, I had a positive pregnancy test the day before our scheduled appointment with a fertility specialist. Our tiny daughter arrived early after a difficult pregnancy. Fifteen months later, an ectopic pregnancy all but ended our hopes for more biological children.

After time for research and prayer, we pursued a private adoption of an infant. Knowing that birth moms were reading our profile and looking at pictures of us while we waited and hoped to be selected was humbling. We prayed and waited for two years. Then one Monday morning, our agency called. A two-day-old baby boy was at the hospital waiting for us. Our son came into our lives and hearts.

As the next few years passed, we were content as a family of four. Unexpectedly, a church elder approached us about a specific foster situation. Knowing that our home study for adoption was current, we launched into the process of adopting from foster care. Although that particular situation was resolved in another way, the Lord had opened our hearts again.

One Tuesday morning, a case manager called me at work. She had a five-year-old boy and his four-year-old sister who needed a pre-adoptive placement. I left work on my lunch break to meet Sam, pray, and make a call. That Friday our son and daughter came to our house. They never left our home or our hearts.

As biological, adoptive, and foster parents, we love to share our story. Every situation is unique, but we have learned lessons that might help those with an interest in adoption. Here are just a few:

Know beyond any doubt that your children belong to God.

People ask us if our children are “ours.” They are usually trying to sort out who is biologically related to us, so we do not take offense. Psalm 139:15-16 declares, “My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” All of our children belong to God, who knew them before they knew us.

Learn about trauma and its effects.

We live every day with the results of choices the birth parents made. Sometimes we see the storm coming, and other times we are caught without warning. As much as we can, we have studied and sought to understand more about trauma. But ultimately we trust the Lord to be our helper, knowing that “the Lord is my strength and my shield” (Ps. 28:7).

Be honest always.

Our children ask tough questions about their pasts, their birth parents, and their adoptions. We answer according to their age and maturity, but we always speak the truth. We know in the future they may seek answers on their own, and we want them to be able to trust us. We ask God for wisdom, and His Word promises in James 1:5 that He will give it to us.

Protect your children.

We are sometimes fiercely private. We might leave a public place if we feel uncomfortable. We do not share our children’s stories if they do not want us to. In this way, our children know that, while their stories are not a secret, they are very special. Each child is a “heritage from the Lord” (Ps. 127:3).

Trust the Lord’s provision.

Sam and I made significant personal and financial sacrifices to have our family. The Lord has never allowed us to suffer from lack of necessities. Our furniture is battered, our budget is strained, our vacations are thrifty; but we have had so many great times together. We seek to live in this way: “Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things as you have. For [the Lord] Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’” (Heb. 13:5). Whatever your resources, know that everything you have comes from God.

Teach your children about their Savior.

Just as our foster children never left our home, they never missed worship. We attended church together the first weekend. Like many moms of young children, I often felt like I could have stayed home. Yet, even though I could not recount the points of the sermon, the Spirit ministered to our family in the singing and through the love of our church family. For 18 months, we did not know if we would be able to adopt our son and daughter, but we faithfully worshiped at church and at home so that they would meet Jesus. Jesus encouraged His disciples in this when He said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:14). For Sam and me, our greatest days were seeing our children baptized.

Most of the people with whom we share our story will not become adoptive parents, but they care about adoptive and foster families and want to know how to encourage and support them. Here are some ways you can help:

Welcome every child as you would a new baby.

The ladies at church set up a meal train for us when our newborns and our older children arrived. What a blessing! We had parties or baby showers with the big cake, cards, and gifts when the time was right. Celebrate with these families and receive their children. Jesus said, “Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me” (Mark 9:37).

Give the family time to adjust.

We had a newborn after one call and had not set up a nursery. Later, our family increased from four to six in one day. Relieve the family of church obligations and commitments as needed. One of the best gifts to me was when our session told Sam that he was going to take a sabbatical from his role as deacon. He would not have asked, but they sensed the burdens of the time. Paul reminds us to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). By providing time for rest and adjustment, you can bear burdens.

Love your church families sacrificially.

After only a few weeks of all six of us together, we discovered lice. We were already nearly exhausted. I called a dear friend from church. She gave me advice, rearranged her schedule, and shared the need for prayer. In a short time, she was in our home combing out nits, and the ladies at church had made a meal plan for the next two weeks. Fulfill the commandment to “love one another.…By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35). Through these sacrifices, our children see Christ’s love in the church.

Take care for the protection of these little ones.

The church is an extension of the family. Be protective of the family’s privacy, but be ready to help if the situation suddenly changes. We had some scary encounters and unsettling events before our adoptions were finalized. Knowing our believing friends stood with us meant everything. “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble” (Jas. 1:27).

Pray, and then pray some more.

So many children are hurting. The systems are broken. The government has taken the care of widows and orphans away from the church. Remember that “the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome,…He administers justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger” (Deut. 10:17-18). Pray for change. Pray for pregnancy resource centers. Pray for social workers and case managers. Pray for the Lord to bring change in your heart, in your families, and in your congregations.

Recently while grocery shopping, I saw the case worker who had brought our youngest two children to our house that first night and who had the privilege of witnessing their adoption in court. We had not seen each other for these few years. When I showed her pictures of the kids, she said that the happy endings mean everything to her. Adoption is a gift. We are so blessed to be part of it.