When I think about how the Lord has worked in my life, one word comes to mind again and again: grace. I’m amazed at how He reached down, plucked me from a filthy pit, and saved me. I was spiritually blind, dumb, and dead in my sin. I love to meditate on and sing Psalm 40, and pray that I will be faithful to proclaim all of the Lord’s wondrous faithfulness throughout my life.

“You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your
thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.” (Psalm 40:5 ESV)

I am grateful to my parents who were faithful to take my brother and me to a small East Texas church every week, where I heard the Word preached and learned Bible stories and verses. I would wake up many mornings looking for my mom and find her on her knees in prayer. My parents were very involved in service at our church. However, the churches I attended growing up were Arminian in their teaching about salvation.

Unfortunately, my life was a reflection of an “it’s up to me” way of thinking. Because I was unsure if I was doing enough to make God happy with me, I lived constantly in a state of either fear or pride. If I had failed to read my Bible and pray for a while, or felt I had committed big sins, I reasoned that God was angry with me and I’d try to avoid Him by not praying or reading my Bible until I felt He could forgive me. On the other hand, if I thought I’d been checking off my “spiritual to-do list,” I felt quite pleased with myself. I also remember thinking that I had to confess every single sin or the Lord wouldn’t forgive me. I was fearful that I wasn’t witnessing enough or winning people to Christ. I did not understand or rely on the finished work of Christ. As a result, my inner life was a subjective roller coaster, and I was in turmoil much of the time.

After high school, I headed to College Station, Tex., to attend Texas A&M University. During my short time there, I was adrift spiritually, lost and unsure of my purpose or place. Though not seeking the Lord, He did something amazing at that time: He brought me together with my future husband. I was so undiscerning in almost every area that I marvel that God has given me such a good gift in my wonderful husband, Kevin. I didn’t even know what I wanted or needed in a mate, but the Lord did!

Shortly after our marriage in 1996, Kevin accepted a job in Lawrence, Kan., and we moved, eager to begin a new adventure together. Though Kevin’s job environment was difficult, the Lord led us to an Evangelical Free church that was vibrant and focused on God’s Word and discipleship. We both grew spiritually. We were blessed by many older Christians who invested in us and gave much time and energy discipling the young couples in the church and modeling the Christian life before us.

During this time I was still struggling with a works-based mentality. I remember talking with my wonderful father-in-law, who was a Southern Baptist pastor, about my struggles. He sent me a book that God used to open my eyes in a dramatic way: Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges. I devoured that book, at times having to put it down because I was weeping and unable to see the words on the page. As I began to understand and believe the message of God’s amazing grace and love for me in Christ, I remember looking toward heaven and saying aloud to God, “This is too good to be true!”

That was a turning point in my life. Instead of obeying God out of fear and obligation, I began to want to obey Him out of gratitude and love. I began to enjoy true joy and freedom from the weight of my sins for the first time. God continued to grow me and change me as He also worked in Kevin’s life. Kevin and I like to say that marriage is a mighty tool of sanctification in the lives of God’s children, and parenthood perhaps even more so! We welcomed our first child in 1998, and I was grateful to be able to be a stay-at-home mommy to our daughter, Keely. God was faithful through those early years of our marriage to sustain us and, at times, to painfully show us the state of our own hearts as He was working to grow us toward greater spiritual maturity.

Kevin accepted a new job in the Kansas City area about a year after we moved to Lawrence, and we found a church home at a small Southern Baptist church in Olathe. We worshiped there for 8 years and benefited from the wonderful teaching of a pastor who held a Reformed understanding of salvation. My husband and I count this time as precious in many ways. While sitting under the teaching of the pastor there, first Kevin and then I became convinced of the truth of God’s sovereignty in salvation. A new understanding and love for the doctrines of grace led Kevin to study more and more and to question the teachings he’d been taught and had accepted, but had never tested and studied in depth for himself. During our last year at that church, he continued to search the Scriptures for answers to questions that were troubling him. Once when he was discussing the ten commandments with our children, he found that he couldn’t answer their questions about why we don’t keep the Lord’s Day holy anymore, or even what that exactly entails. We also both began to feel troubled by the style of worship at our church, which was very contemporary and often with a bit of rock ’n roll. We knew that the leaders loved God and were sincere, and didn’t question their motives, but inside we struggled to discern whether any worship was okay with the right motives, or if there was a standard we were missing. I often felt confused and was unable to even participate in the singing. I couldn’t tell whether I was being moved by the excellent music and my personal preferences, or if I was truly worshiping God.

As we wrestled with these and other issues, Kevin continued to study the Sabbath, the regulative principle of worship, and infant baptism. By the summer of 2007 we knew that we couldn’t stay at our church, because the Lord was shaping our understanding of doctrine in ways that were clearly in conflict with the teaching and standards of that church. It was a painful time for us to leave our church family, many of whom didn’t understand our reasons for going.

Though we knew that leaving our church was the right thing to do, this was an agonizing period for me. I was hoping to join a Reformed Baptist church, yet Kevin’s continued study and direction from the Lord was leading us toward a conservative Presbyterian church. I remember thinking as a young girl that Presbyterians were similar to Catholics, probably because of my ignorance about infant baptism. This was a difficult time for us as a couple as we weren’t “on the same page” about doctrinal issues for the first time in our married life. It was, however, also beneficial because I was motivated to study those issues more deeply. I remember feeling—and still feel—so humbled that there is so much that I don’t know. It was sobering to realize that the framework through which I’d always viewed God’s Word was faulty. Seeing the error in my former thinking helped me to be open to other new ideas such as covenant theology, exclusive psalmody, and infant baptism.

After visiting some PCA and OPC churches, we ended up at Shawnee, Kan., Reformed Presbyterian Church one Lord’s Day. Though I was still processing the hurt from leaving our former church and was a bit in shock about becoming a Presbyterian of one stripe or another, we were immediately impressed by the serious handling of Scripture at this church. God’s Word permeated every study, class, and sermon. We were also amazed at the overwhelming friendliness and hospitality that were shown to us from the very first time we visited. At the time we had 6 small children, and inviting a family of 8 to lunch is no small feat! Once, a young married couple even hosted us all for lunch in their small apartment. We truly felt the love and care of Christ through the wonderful people we were meeting.

After several months attending Shawnee as adherents, we became members in the summer of 2008. All of our younger children were baptized at that time (our oldest was baptized at our former church). We are so blessed to be in fellowship with like-minded believers who love and encourage us, and where we have so many opportunities for growth in knowledge and grace.

When I look back on my 35 years, I am humbled to see how faithful God has been and continues to be to me. My life would be a complete mess and I would be lost and wandering if I were in charge of it! Sin rears its ugly head daily in my life, and yet God is a strong fortress and a faithful, forgiving father who continues to grant me undeserved favor because of the saving work of Christ.

My prayer is to be an instrument for God’s glory in the middle of everyday life: errands, friendships, homeschooling, parenting challenges, marriage, pregnancy, exhaustion. Some of my favorite verses are ones that speak of the Lord as a strong fortress or a rock. What a beautiful, comforting truth to know that though I am up and down spiritually, physically, and emotionally, He never changes. Throughout each step of my life—and the life of each believer—He is there: faithful, steady, unchanging. His grace truly is amazing.

Candice and Kevin Dennis and their 8 children live in Shawnee, Kan. and are members of Shawnee RPC. She spends her days keeping home and homeschooling. She feels very blessed to be able to live life and learn with her children every day. Between teaching, refereeing, and cleaning up messes she blogs at www.kcdennis.blogspot.com.